Sarah Palin’s Mini-Me Michele Bachmann, the odious stupidity-sponge from Minnesota, has decided not to run for reelection next year. There aren’t enough “good riddances” in the universe to express my elation at this news. I honestly don’t give a shit why she’s doing this, I’m just glad this intellectual black hole won’t be in fucking Congress any more. But Bachmann wants us all to know she’s no coward.
In her video announcement, Bachmann said her decision was not influenced by any concerns about winning reelection.
“I’ve always, in the past, defeated candidates who were capable, qualified, and well-funded. And I have every confidence that if I ran, I would again defeat the individual who I defeated last year, who recently announced that he is once again running,” Bachmann said.
Sadly, I actually think this part is true. This might be the only fucking thing in existence that I agree with her on: She could probably get reelected if she wanted to. Whatever district of Minnesota she represents must be full of routine drool-rag users, or else she never could have made it to Washington to begin with.
But then there’s this…
Nor was her decision based on any concerns over an ongoing congressional ethics inquiry into the improper transfer of campaign funds, Bachmann said in her video. She is also facing a Federal Election Commission complaint about her former presidential campaign.
“This decision was not impacted in any way by the recent inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign or my former presidential staff,” she said. “It was clearly understood that compliance with all rules and regulations was an absolute necessity for my presidential campaign. And I have no reason to believe that that was not the case.”
Suuuure… I’ll fucking believe that when I believe anything else that Bachmann believes.
“I promise you I have and I will continue to fight to protect innocent human life, traditional marriage, family values, religious liberty, and academic excellence,” Bachmann said.
If she’s protecting academic excellence, then I’m a god damned Mormon missionary.