Do you like watching movies about gladiators?

Well, let’s see here. I’m just gonna dig through some of the shitty right wing blogs I check from time to time and see what idiotic fucknugget pops up. Haven’t been to The American “Thinker” in a while, might as well see what they’re up to. Hmmm… What’s this?

The Gladiator: Sarah Palin, We Need You Back in the Arena

By Lloyd Marcus

Oh, this is gonna be good.

Hello, calling Sarah Palin!  Has anyone seen her?  Where is she?  Has Sarah Palin left the building?  Is the Palin magic gone forever?

You haven’t seen her because you’ve got your TV permanently tuned to Fox News, your only source of information, and they canned her ass. [See UPDATE below.]

No.  The Palin charisma and mass appeal are still alive and well.

Is “mass appeal” another one of those terms that means something totally different to godbots than it does to the rest of the universe?

Certain people are born gifted with “It” — something that compels you to watch them.

Please note that this mystical “It” also applies to Honey Boo Boo.

Sarah Palin is one such individual.  Though politically tarred, feathered, and run out of town on a rail by the left and a few spineless Republicans, I pray for the day when my favorite gladiator Sarah Palin returns to the arena.

I can never hear the word “gladiator” without thinking about this. And now I wish Sarah Palin would just move to Australia so they have to deal with her shit and we can be left in peace.

Unquestionably, the vitriolic attacks on Palin and her family, the betrayals by Republicans and associates left Palin severely wounded.  Who among us could endure and survive the full weight of the MSM launched to destroy you?  It is quite understandable and reasonable for Palin to say, Forget this.  Todd and I are goin’ fishin’.

Let me interject: The WELL DESERVED vitriolic attacks. Some people fully deserve to be ruthlessly mocked and ridiculed, and Sarah Palin joined that club the moment she first opened her big, stupid mouth in public.

But, the Bible says, to whom much is given, much is required.

Something tells me you’ll be conveniently forgetting about this Bible verse very soon…

While Palin has not reported seeing a burning bush,

That’s understandable. Not many people would want to publicly announce they have crabs.

At the moment, there is no one on the national stage who inspires the masses to follow and act on their convictions like Palin.

No one does it like her. Mostly in the sense that a dried up catfish with a pencil stuck through it would do a better job of it than she has.

Please allow me to share my personal testimony of the “Palin Effect.”

She gave you crabs?

From inside our Tea Party Express tour bus, as we approached the site, I saw seniors parked a mile away, making their way to the event using walkers.  It gave me goosebumps.  Obviously, this woman, Sarah Palin, represented the America they loved and feared was slipping away.

That reminds me of another Bible verse that Christians like to forget whenever it’s convenient.

Despite all of the scandals, lies, outrageous government overreaches, and abuses of our civil liberties under this administration, Obama still gets a pass in the minds of far too many ill-informed Americans.  Decades of dumbing down students have produced exactly what the left wants: sheep totally dependent on government, clueless regarding U.S. history and the cost and value of freedom.

The only way to stop dumbing down America is to elect the dumbest politician to run for office since Orgg the caveman accidentally castrated himself while running for Chief Rock Stacker.

And you don’t get to call other people sheep while writing a fucking sycophantic puff piece about Palin with a barely concealed boner.

So Obama can ignore the Constitution and do whatever he pleases as long as the food stamps, disability checks, welfare checks, and free phones keep coming.  Under Obama, an unprecedented half of the country are eating, talking on their phones, and driving without working for it — a Democratic party dream come true.

There we go repeating that same fucking bullshit lie that Romney inflicted on the world last year. There are lies, then there are damned lies, then there’s typical Religious Right talking points.

And seriously, eating? You object to them EATING? You’d rather poor people just starve? Along with their children? Hell, the godhumpers get more vile every day.

Anyways, this whole paragraph is just gonna go down the memory hole, because in the very next paragraph…

I asked friends at dinner, “How did Ronald Reagan win in a landslide touting Conservatism?  Jerry Falwell and his Moral Majority was said to have figured in the mix.  Americans, for the most part, are a moral and just people.

You just called half of Americans dirty freeloading bastards for the sin of not starving. And now you’re saying most Americans are moral? Do I need to explain to you what the word “most” means?

I was a 20-something black kid from the East Baltimore projects back then.  I knew nothing about politics.  All I knew was that every time I heard President Reagan speak, I felt good about my country and myself.  Reagan made me feel I could achieve and contribute to this wonderful country, in which I was blessed to be born, called America.

So you were utterly ignorant, but Reagan made you feel all warm and fucking fuzzy inside, and that was all you needed to vote for him. How, exactly, is it our side that’s dumbing the country down?

Oh, and by the way–YOU LIVED IN THE PROJECTS??? As in public housing? As in paid for by tax dollars? And you have the fucking gall to tell poor people today to starve rather than get a little assistance?

GO.

FUCK.

YOURSELF.

Where are the voices inspiring folks to love and contribute to the greatness of their country?  I know, I know.  Such talk sounds corny and naïve today.  In Obama’s America, signing up for government assistance and approving of government confiscating the earnings of high achievers for redistribution is the new definition of compassion and patriotism.

Hey, remember that Bible verse about how to whom much is given, much is required? No? Didn’t think so.

We need a hero, folks — someone willing to stand up for America, boldly waving our flag and touting the virtues of hard work, self-reliance, family, God, and country.

We’ve already got a fuckton of those hypocritical, jingoistic shitbiscuits running around. We don’t need any more.

I believe that Sarah Palin can pull it off.

No need to be so up front about it. I already knew you wanted her to jerk you off.

Reading my own words sound a bit corny even to me.

You are so motherfucking far beyond corny that the light from corny would take a million years to reach you.

Sarah Palin, please come back.  Run for office.  We long to cheer you on as our gladiator in the arena.

Plus it would be comedy gold.

________________________________

UPDATE (6/19/13): Well, she was canned until a few days ago when Fox News inexplicably brought her back. Un-fucking-believable. We just can’t get rid of this ass-barnacle of a human being. It seems that some malevolent force is determined to keep her hideous face in the news to torture all right-thinking people in perpetuity. However, we can find some solace in this excellent Daily Show episode.

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2 responses to “Do you like watching movies about gladiators?

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