The guy dressed like a lady doth protest too much

You know what Christians love talking about? Love. They even love how much they love talking about love. A thousand hippie monkeys at a thousand Valentine typewriters couldn’t talk about love as much as Christians do. Led Zepplin’s “Whole Lotta Love” doesn’t talk about love enough for them. If the English language consisted solely of the word “Love”, it still wouldn’t be possible to talk about love as much as Christians talk about love.

So, yeah, they talk about it. But do they actually love that much?

Fuck no. In fact, the more a Christian talks about love, the more likely it is that what they’re ACTUALLY proposing is hateful, bigoted, and just downright cruel. And sometimes rather perverted.

Speaking of hateful, cruel and perverted, let’s check in on the Catholic Church.

Indianapolis, IN —
As the Indiana General Assembly prepares to consider a proposed
constitutional amendment which would ban gay marriage in the state,
Indiana’s six Roman Catholic bishops have weighed in on the issue.


In a December 4 joint statement, the bishops said that they “respect the
equal dignity of all persons” but marriage is the “intimate communion
of life and love between one man and one woman.”

Look, you pompous dinglefucks. Those two statements flagrantly contradict each other. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say “I think you’re equal” and then turn around and say “I want to deny you rights that other people get based solely on who you are.” If you say that, then you clearly don’t believe that they are equal. Equality means equal rights. Denial of the one is a denial of the other. It’s a set in stone biconditional (see what I did there?).

“With deep respect for all our brothers and sisters,


we affirm the institution of marriage as the intimate communion of life
and love between one man and one woman. Marriage is an intimate sharing
of conjugal life and love.

It’s all about sex for these sanctimonious perverts.

Gay people don’t want marriage rights because they want to fuck. They’re doing just fine in the fucking department.* They don’t need permission from you or anyone else to stroke their genitals. And the same goes for straight people.

Gay marriage is about hospital visitation privileges. It’s about tax exemptions. It’s about adoption and child custody.

Get your god-addled brain out of the prude gutter.

It involves the total gift of self in a partnership for the whole of life. Only by means of the complementarity between a man and a woman can this total gift of self be fully given and received,” the bishops wrote.

Wow. You actually accomplished something. You managed to make the world’s most elaborate and unfunny dick joke.

Seriously. That statement is just a pretentious, self-important way to say, “Gays can’t marry ’cause penis in vagina huh huh huh.”

Well, Beavis, you’re wrong. In fact, absurdly wrong. In fact, if you restate what they said above without all the fancy sounding religio-jargon, it comes out to this:

Marriage requires loving commitment. Loving commitment requires a penis going into vagina.  Therefore gays can’t marry. QED

It would be laughable if it weren’t ruining real people’s lives.

And if total gift of self requires a penis going into a vagina, does that mean Jesus has a vagina? Or can men just not go to heaven?

(This is the first time I’ve ever said this about anyone: I really, really hope these Bishops don’t love children…)

“We respect the equal dignity of all persons while upholding the
uniqueness of the covenant of marriage as established by our Creator.

“We respect you while keeping all the good toys to ourselves. Ninny ninny boo boo.”

The well-being of children, of the family, and of society is closely
bound to the healthy state of marriage and respect for its true nature
and purpose.”

Yeah, ’cause when I think of the well-being of children, I think of the Catholic Church. And I think Jerry Sandusky. And I think I’m gonna go to the hospital, because I’ve clearly developed a brain tumor…

Without naming the upcoming debate, the bishops “urged the people of
Indiana” to “defend the dignity and …truth about marriage, according
to God’s plan and law, with charity toward all.”

Sorry, bub, but this is not a theocracy. You don’t get to take a god-shit all over our laws. Pass this stupid law if you want. It’ll just be overturned a few years from now.

“On the one hand, I hope that the statement serves to affirm the great
esteem we afford to the institution of marriage, a way of life that is
prior to the nation-state and any government,” Indianapolis Archbishop Joseph Tobin said. “On
the other hand, we hope to reinforce the dignity of every human being,
whom the Church accepts as a unique creation of our loving God.”

Blah blah blah blah. We love everyone, especially the people we hate!

Only a Christian would deprive people of rights, but call it “reinforcing the dignity of every human being.” That’s some serious Orwellian doublespeak there. And it’s no surprise that they repeat the crap about respect and love and dignity over and over and over ad nauseum. Deep down, they know their position is unsupportable bigotry. They know how awful their position appears to any rational person. They know they can’t just put lipstick on a pig. So they slather the poor porker with the most garish shades of lipstick all over its future bacon-y goodness, and hope that the sheer tackiness and ludicrousness of the whole thing will distract people enough that they don’t notice what it really is.

But America isn’t stupid. Slowly but surely, people are seeing through the ruse.

Fuck you, Catholic Church.**


* I wish my university had a Fucking Department.

** That means I respect your dignity.

6 responses to “The guy dressed like a lady doth protest too much

  1. Your article is really hate-filled. All if really want to respectful point out is that the Catholic Church in this context is speaking of marriage as a Christian ritual, not marriage as a civil institution. Thus, it’s totally in bounds for the church to make statements about the “sanctity of marriage” because they’re discussing marriage in the context of the ritual that is sacred to their religion. That is was incorporated into the legal structure of the US mistakenly and illogically many years ago shouldn’t represent or justify a swathe of misplaced anger towards a religious institution protecting their sacred beliefs.

    • Everything you said was mistaken and uninformed. Here in Indiana, there is currently a push to pass a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, and these bishops’ statements are directly referring to that. This is ENTIRELY about legal marriage as a civil institution in the state of Indiana, not about some silly ritual a bunch of glorified witch doctors do. They are NOT discussing marriage purely in the context of their stupid church. They issued this statement to influence the vote on banning gay marriage that’s due to happen in less than a year. You should get your facts straight before you comment.

      And no, my commentary is not hate-filled. It’s ANGRY. I’m angry that these child-molesting assholes try to take the moral high ground while denying good, honest gay people their rights. And my anger is very well placed. Every time gay marriage comes up for a vote somewhere, the Catholic Church gets involved, and always takes the side of denying people’s rights. They are an evil, criminal organization that is harming millions upon millions of people all over the world. The Catholic Church has no right whatsoever to paint themselves so self-righteously, when they’re simultaneously covering up for child molesters and denying innocent people their rights. Fuck the church.

      • I think that’s the problem. Your arguments are fueled by a self-righteous indignation and thus immediately taint all of your conclusions emotionally.

        I agree they are speaking in terms of the state’s laws and civil code. But that’s because the state defines marriage based on the Abrahamic religions’ derivation of the term.

        Another post points out polygamy. This is a different kind of marriage, just like same-sex or the like. The Catholic Church again speaks of marriage as a covenant and in a spiritual sense because the states ratify marriage as a union before God and state.

        I may not be a Catholic or even remotely religious in an organized sense, but my personal complaint is focused on the emotionally-charged, illogical ranting that happens here. Without trying to understand where the opposition comes from and to logically undertake discourse of some kind, such an outcry is hate-filled and anger-filled and makes you come off as no better than the Westboro Church that is so impossibly bigoted. It’s as if religion can do no good in your eyes, which is surely a fallacy.

        Shame on Catholics for taking such a stance against happiness and love (they used to be really good about it. The church had institutionalize a civil union for “marriage” between priests in the past centuries/millennia). But shame of you for making it seem like they’re the origin of all evil.

  2. Gay marriage is about hospital visitation privileges. It’s about tax exemptions. It’s about adoption and child custody.


    Marriage is not about god and all the flotsam and jetsam about ‘morality’ and ‘sacred’ and whatever that the religious presume to speak about from on high; it’s about civil and legal equality rights.

    This the basis on which court decision after court decision after court decision keeps ruling in one direction only… rulings that repeatedly push the religious Jack(s)-in-the-box back into their unenlightened theistic designer container of blessed arrogant and pious self-righteous bigotry. From this bigotry comes the compressed urge to control others through discriminatory law and the courts will have none of it. That so many catholic bishops add their voices to promoting this legal discrimination is just another nail in the catholic coffin; the next generation is seeing them for what they are: a bunch of co-conspirators running a transnational criminal organization, wearing dresses and funny hats, mumbling Latin and insisting that their urge to discriminate is divinely inspired.

    Fine. Let’s go with that!

    Bullshit is as bullshit does. While the pope may say mollifying words about recognizing human dignity and equality out of one side of his mouth, the latest rendition of Pope Palpatine’s marching orders to the boots on the ground is to act. This action reveals the real campaign undertaken, which is to de-humanize a group of real people, which we see causes real harm in real life. This is what catholicism in action is, and the younger people see the hypocrisy and turn away from becoming part of the bullshit.

    Thank god.

    As a New Atheist, I urge the religious to continue advertising their moral bankruptcy and ethical shortcoming and continue to show the world just how heartfelt is the discrimination they call piety; nothing any atheist can criticize does as an effective a job turning the young away from the delusion that is religious belief as acting on their misguided, morally depraved faith-based beliefs. They can clearly see how the religiously inspired continue to try to drive home the square peg of religious belief into the round hole of actually respecting human dignity and equality in law.

    Keep up the good work! Us ‘militant’ atheists appreciate the work you do on our behalf.

      • I’d like to say, “My pleasure” but it isn’t.

        It’s so sad that this needs to be said… over and over and over again. The pious, who are convinced about the righteousness of their discrimination, require secular law to keep them from imposing their discrimination on the rest of us. Of course, they believe they do so for the moral benefit of all and see successful countermeasure to their imposition of religious tyranny as an ‘attack’ carried out by ‘immoral’ ‘militants’. How to break through that embedded misogyny and the never-ending urge to use secular legal discrimination in the service of the impotent divine (usually in the name of god) remains a consistent foe of equality rights and enlightenment values everywhere. It is sad and it is depressing and it is deplorable. But I wish more of us would recognize that standing on principle to oppose such tyranny no matter in what name it is undertaken is necessary. I just try to do my part.

Leave a Reply to riffingreligion Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s