The guy dressed like a lady doth protest too much

You know what Christians love talking about? Love. They even love how much they love talking about love. A thousand hippie monkeys at a thousand Valentine typewriters couldn’t talk about love as much as Christians do. Led Zepplin’s “Whole Lotta Love” doesn’t talk about love enough for them. If the English language consisted solely of the word “Love”, it still wouldn’t be possible to talk about love as much as Christians talk about love.

So, yeah, they talk about it. But do they actually love that much?

Fuck no. In fact, the more a Christian talks about love, the more likely it is that what they’re ACTUALLY proposing is hateful, bigoted, and just downright cruel. And sometimes rather perverted.

Speaking of hateful, cruel and perverted, let’s check in on the Catholic Church.

Indianapolis, IN —
As the Indiana General Assembly prepares to consider a proposed
constitutional amendment which would ban gay marriage in the state,
Indiana’s six Roman Catholic bishops have weighed in on the issue.

Fun.

In a December 4 joint statement, the bishops said that they “respect the
equal dignity of all persons” but marriage is the “intimate communion
of life and love between one man and one woman.”

Look, you pompous dinglefucks. Those two statements flagrantly contradict each other. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say “I think you’re equal” and then turn around and say “I want to deny you rights that other people get based solely on who you are.” If you say that, then you clearly don’t believe that they are equal. Equality means equal rights. Denial of the one is a denial of the other. It’s a set in stone biconditional (see what I did there?).

“With deep respect for all our brothers and sisters,

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

we affirm the institution of marriage as the intimate communion of life
and love between one man and one woman. Marriage is an intimate sharing
of conjugal life and love.

It’s all about sex for these sanctimonious perverts.

Gay people don’t want marriage rights because they want to fuck. They’re doing just fine in the fucking department.* They don’t need permission from you or anyone else to stroke their genitals. And the same goes for straight people.

Gay marriage is about hospital visitation privileges. It’s about tax exemptions. It’s about adoption and child custody.

Get your god-addled brain out of the prude gutter.

It involves the total gift of self in a partnership for the whole of life. Only by means of the complementarity between a man and a woman can this total gift of self be fully given and received,” the bishops wrote.

Wow. You actually accomplished something. You managed to make the world’s most elaborate and unfunny dick joke.

Seriously. That statement is just a pretentious, self-important way to say, “Gays can’t marry ’cause penis in vagina huh huh huh.”

Well, Beavis, you’re wrong. In fact, absurdly wrong. In fact, if you restate what they said above without all the fancy sounding religio-jargon, it comes out to this:

Marriage requires loving commitment. Loving commitment requires a penis going into vagina.  Therefore gays can’t marry. QED

It would be laughable if it weren’t ruining real people’s lives.

And if total gift of self requires a penis going into a vagina, does that mean Jesus has a vagina? Or can men just not go to heaven?

(This is the first time I’ve ever said this about anyone: I really, really hope these Bishops don’t love children…)

“We respect the equal dignity of all persons while upholding the
uniqueness of the covenant of marriage as established by our Creator.

“We respect you while keeping all the good toys to ourselves. Ninny ninny boo boo.”

The well-being of children, of the family, and of society is closely
bound to the healthy state of marriage and respect for its true nature
and purpose.”

Yeah, ’cause when I think of the well-being of children, I think of the Catholic Church. And I think Jerry Sandusky. And I think I’m gonna go to the hospital, because I’ve clearly developed a brain tumor…

Without naming the upcoming debate, the bishops “urged the people of
Indiana” to “defend the dignity and …truth about marriage, according
to God’s plan and law, with charity toward all.”

Sorry, bub, but this is not a theocracy. You don’t get to take a god-shit all over our laws. Pass this stupid law if you want. It’ll just be overturned a few years from now.

“On the one hand, I hope that the statement serves to affirm the great
esteem we afford to the institution of marriage, a way of life that is
prior to the nation-state and any government,” Indianapolis Archbishop Joseph Tobin said. “On
the other hand, we hope to reinforce the dignity of every human being,
whom the Church accepts as a unique creation of our loving God.”

Blah blah blah blah. We love everyone, especially the people we hate!

Only a Christian would deprive people of rights, but call it “reinforcing the dignity of every human being.” That’s some serious Orwellian doublespeak there. And it’s no surprise that they repeat the crap about respect and love and dignity over and over and over ad nauseum. Deep down, they know their position is unsupportable bigotry. They know how awful their position appears to any rational person. They know they can’t just put lipstick on a pig. So they slather the poor porker with the most garish shades of lipstick all over its future bacon-y goodness, and hope that the sheer tackiness and ludicrousness of the whole thing will distract people enough that they don’t notice what it really is.

But America isn’t stupid. Slowly but surely, people are seeing through the ruse.

Fuck you, Catholic Church.**

_________________

* I wish my university had a Fucking Department.

** That means I respect your dignity.

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Catholic revenge porn brings out the prudes

Valerie Dodds is officially my favorite person of the day. When her classmates at her Catholic high school learned that she wanted to become a porn star after graduation, they did exactly what you would expect a bunch of uptight Catholic god-humpers to do–slut shaming. So what did she do? Well, once she graduated high school she became a porn star and went back to her old school to shoot a little revenge porn. Boo yah! There are a few pictures of it floating around. This one (NSFW) is my favorite. Porn-posing over a Bible verse that says “all things IN Christ”? Check. Putting her pussy right above the “things” just in case the suggestion was too subtle? Check. Making a gagging gesture to indicate what having sex with Christ would induce? Check, check, check. Pure, unadulterated awesomeness.

But of course, this is the internet age. If a woman does something sexual to protest her peers’ slut-shaming her, we all know what happens next. More people come out of the woodwork to slut shame her. The comments sections of several articles on the topic are riddled with it. For example

sarahelizabeth24 hours ago
What the heck is wrong with her eyebrows in the first picture??The better question is…what the heck is wrong with her MIND to expect people NOT to mock her dream?? ESPECIALLY at a CATHOLIC SCHOOL??I certainly hope that the pictures end up being forcibly removed. This school does not deserve to have its name associated with such trash.

Oh, the Catholic Church deserves much fucking worse than this. How many priests do you think see that picture and immediately think, “If only she were an alter boy”?

Janeben20 hours ago
She’s a disrespectful piece of jailbait.

She’s 19. Do you even fucking know what “jailbait” means?

yesman61 day ago
They’re leaving out the part that about a year earlier she wrongly accused another student of sexual assault because she got caught sneaking out, costing the student and their parents around $20k to prove his innocence. This girl is a disease to society, especially Lincoln.

Big shocker: YESMAN6 provides exactly zero evidence to back up this allegation.

td231 day ago
What does she think she really accomplished? I am sure most of them, aside from the faculty, probably all looked at the photos and felt sorry for how screwed up this kid really is. The only person she embarrassed was herself. I have no problem with what she did from a personal perspective but have to sit here and laugh with her thinking she got the last laugh. Mostly everyone there was probably laughing at what a fool she’s made out of herself.

He has no problem with it. He just thinks any woman who does porn must be screwed up, embarrassing herself, and a fool. Because, as we all know, a woman who does something sexual does it because there’s something wrong with her, not because she’s an adult who can make her own choices and express her sexuality however she wants (so long as it’s consensual).

Bklyn Diamond1 day ago
And this is the result of raising a me me me generation that has no thought outside of the instant gratification of themselves.No sense of caring for others, no sense of respect of others at all.

Ah, another member of the We’re Better Than Everyone Else generation. How the fuck did their parents raise them that they ended up being so self-righteous? And is there any way we could get a time machine and go back and fish-slap each and every one of them until they promise not to raise a generation of sanctimonious twats?

ArmyTx1 day ago
All looks no brains.

Pretty girls are dumb! What an astute observation!

I think this “attractive people are dumb” twaddle stems from the fact that people need to think that people who are better than them in one area must be worse than them in some other. A guy with an expensive car must have a small penis. A girl who is very sexually free must have had a shitty childhood. Etc. Etc. Etc.

mikebythesea1 day ago
People have “dreams” of going into “adult entertainment”? And aren’t the names she was called at least in the ballpark given her ambitions? We’re not talking about one of the nuns being falsely labeled here.

There’s a slut-shaming ballpark? Did this happen when Rush Limbaugh was at ESPN?

Rok1 day ago
Way to prove them wrong… ur, uhm, right. Where are morals, values and sound decision making? Revenge? What is she, 13? Does she truly think the school feels any different about her? Lord in Heaven give this woman direction… besides being used as a depot.

Kinda like how this supposed Lord in Heaven used the Virgin Mary?

RCBQ81 day ago
At least she is getting paid for it now….I’m sure high school was freebies.

She’s a slut! Amiright amiright amiright!

Rok1 day ago
So… if that was your daughter? You’d have no problem? You’d say… ‘Good for you kiddo!! You’re beautiful and I hope you are the best porn star ever!!! I can’t wait until I see one of your movies!!’ SMH… it’s wrong… it promotes infidelity and promiscuity. Porn many times lands in the hands of children who have no business seeing it. It drives many without the ability to control their impulses to sexual depravity. Get it for real, honor your wife and women. Honor yourself and God. Be a man, an adult and have some self-discipline and control.

Some people really don’t have a problem with their kids doing porn, so long as they do it safely and consensually. But a lack of desire to judge others and control other people’s sex lives is just completely fucking incomprehensible to some of the shit-for-brains out there.

lexie161 day ago
Porn also promotes sex trafficking and slavery.

Except for that whole inconvenient part where it does no such thing at all.

RockawayBob1 day ago
She thinks she is shaming her former classmates and school. She is shaming herself and her family but she is too foolish to realize it. What a disgrace!
lexie161 day ago
She’s ruining her future. If she changes her mind about her ambitions she will never be able to get away from this.

This is one of the most infuriating things about bigots. They shame people for being gay or for being “sluts”, and then they say “It’s bad to be gay/a slut because people will shame you for it!”

Yes, people might shame her for doing porn. But not if you people don’t stop being such slut-shaming sexist bigoted pieces of dog shit. Stop creating a problem and then pointing to it as a reason that you should keep creating problems.

AshleighF1 day ago
No stable teenage girl “dreams” of doing porn.Her classmates must have just been calling it like they saw it.
sarahelizabeth24 hours ago
Well, judging by the fact that she dangled naked in front of the motto of a CATHOLIC school, I would say lack of stability is definitely a possibility.

Another classic bigot chestnut: “You don’t think like me, therefore there must be something wrong with you.”

What really irritates me is that these are two women making these sexist remarks. Keep putting yourselves down, girls. It’s just what the men on the right wing want you to do. It’s easier for them to repress you if you do all the work yourselves.

Tio Tony1 day ago
Aspiring (love that word). Gonna get revenge, typical woman.

Men never get revenge. Ever. It’s just those dirty cunts who get revenge. It’s not like there’s an entire genre of action movies about men who get revenge or anything. Nope. Rambo was a lady. A big, muscley, deep-voice, be-facial-haired lady. Yup.

Fucking idiot.

mick73641 day ago
A female teen porn star, got to love the new women of America, thank you liberal America.

I do love the new women of America. They don’t let judgmental donkeyfuckers like you tell them what they can do with their own bodies.

olleb1 day ago
ja ja ja ! She is panning to go do the same in front of the court house, That looks like fun to her, Ohhh My God, this is America’s future!
Some kids want respect with a gun in hand,others prefer to sell drugs, girls prefer to have kids and join the welfare system, But just a few smart ones go for education, Look at this stupid 19 year old, she has the chance to hang a diploma on her wall, but she choose to hang dildoessss!
and this is the start……..!

How many diplomas do you think are on this genius’ wall?

east new york1 day ago
she’s a cutie, so stop.
I told you interracial porn is BIG, and the internet has
made this a hundreds of million dollar industry.
lock ya daughters up, she could be next and
this could be her dream too.

Wait. What? Uh… Is racism just attracted to sexism by some kind of asshole magnetism? Because the issue here has nothing to do with race.

Well, anyways, I’m done here. I think I’m gonna go make fun of that girl and see if she’ll do a show at my place next.

Kidding, of course. 😉

The Titanic Gets a New Captain

A group of aging, superstitious partriarchs guilty of covering thousands of child rapes all over the world just elected a new leader. Why is this news? Because people don’t pay attention. Case in point, the new guy’s agenda…

A Vatican spokesman says Francis will be a reformer, and will call the church “back to basics.”

It would be nice if “basics” included not molesting kids and treating gays and women fairly. But somehow I suspect it’s more along the lines of “keep the bitches in their place and make sure the fags are miserable.” It would be nice if world leaders noticed the same things that I do about the Church, but such is not the case.

Meanwhile, Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has congratulated Pope Francis a native Argentine and expressed hope that he will work toward justice, equality and peace for all.

How plausible is this hope? Wait for it…

As we noted earlier, the new pope has clashed with the Argentine government over his opposition to gay marriage and free distribution of contraceptives.

Shock! Horror! He’s just like everyone else in the Catholic leadership. I can’t believe that the Pope is a crusty old bigot who’s just gonna fuck up other people’s lives. It’s only been that way with every other Pope ever in the history of Popery!

When is the rest of the world going to realize that the Catholic Church isn’t going to change, and  stop treating them like they have even a modicum of legitimate authority? The Catholic Church should be treated like the fossilized remains of human civilization that they are. They should be ignored, except when they do something evil like rape a kid, in which case they should be hunted down like dogs and put on trial and imprisoned like any normal criminal. And the election of a new Pope shouldn’t be any more newsworthy than the KKK electing a new Exalted Cyclops.*

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*Yes, that’s a real rank in the KKK. And yes, it sounds more like something a douchebag classicist would name his penis.