God hates facts

While most of the rest of the country gradually moves towards equality on the gay marriage issue, Indiana is resolutely planting its feet in the past. There’s a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage headed for a vote some time in November 2014. Why, you ask? How could Indiana be this backwards when their neighbor Illinois just decided to join the 21st century and legalize gay marriage? The answer is simple. It’s because of assholes like this guy:

Gay marriage would violate God’s laws

You say that like it fucking matters. Yet God doesn’t seem to give a fuck about people violating his oh-so-sacred laws. Adultery is supposedly against his laws, yet it’s legal in all 50 states, and he hasn’t done jack shit about it. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he just doesn’t care about you or any other glorified primate on this planet?

In Sunday’s Indy Star, business columnist John Ketzenberger’s statement that Indiana’s passing of HJR 6 would make the state less economically competitive and that Indiana would become a “beacon for limiting rights” is as far from the truth as most of the other arguments that favor voting down the proposed amendment.

Apparently god hates punctuation. God’s law says you get just one comma in your paragraph. After that, you just have to string words together without any kind of structure or coherence until you reach that weary period at the end. If “comma” meant sex partner, “words” meant “every aspect of your life”, and “period” meant “miserable death”, then that’s also a pretty apt description of god’s views on sex and marriage.

The author of this dribble, Jim Riecker, makes no actual arguments against the claim that banning gay marriage would harm the economy. He just simply asserts it as fact. It’s what liberals believe–so it must be false! Logic!

But there is very good reason to think it’s true. Businesses of all sorts want to cater to the under-40 crowd. They spend lots of money, which is why most things are marketed towards them. And they overwhelmingly support gay rights, including the rights of gays to marry. They’re not gonna want to come to your state if your state presents itself as a backwards redneck shithole, which is exactly what Indiana is doing right now.

The fact is that the push to move this state to the secular left has nothing to do with economics or individual rights, but is another example of misdirection by a group and their supporters to engage in spiritual warfare through public opinion and deception against the laws of God that this nation was founded upon.

I bet you thought I was kidding about that whole “One comma then no more punctuation” rule, didn’t you? The lord works in mysterious ways, I guess. Either that or Indiana is currently experiencing a massive shortage in punctuation marks. If only punctuation were made from limestone! We could make a fuck ton of commas, periods, dashes, and parentheses here in Bloomington (one of the few sane places in Indiana).

This asshole could clearly use some. Here, dingleberry, let me try to make that sentence a little clearer for you:

The fact is, that the push to move this state to the secular left has nothing to do with economics or individual rights. but It is another example of misdirection by a group (and their supporters) to engage in spiritual warfare (through public opinion and deception) against the laws of God that this nation was founded upon.

There. It’s still a clunky, ugly paragraph. But at least it’s readable now.

And now that it’s readable, I see that I’m wasting my fucking time. “They want gay marriage because they hate baby Jeebus.” Real fuckin’ original. Yeah, the other side couldn’t possibly be concerned with helping gay people. They just hate your pathetic deity. A deity, I might add, who seems utterly impotent to actually address this issue himself. It wouldn’t be that difficult for Jeebus to just come down and say, “Hey, bros! Gay marriage? Cut that shit out.” But apparently he can’t get off the fucking god-couch. Lazy-ass motherfucker…

It seems like God’s law is always being conveyed by his sad little followers. It’s been, according to your ignorant followers, 6,000 years now, God. When are you gonna get your head outta your Holy Hole and actually do something?

The only opportunity that Indiana has in this argument is whether to remain a beacon for the laws of God.

True story. The other day I was in a bar here in Bloomington. This dumb hick sitting a couple seats down from me starts spouting out a bunch of racist jokes. And I mean, really bottom of the barrel dumbshit racist jokes, like “Why shouldn’t you play Uno with a Mexican? ‘Cause they get all the green cards! Hurr hurr hurr!” Keep in mind, in this bar, there was me, this racist asshole, and two black guys, and that’s it. He thought this was appropriate.

Eventually he turned to me and blurted out, “And you know what else?” I was sick of his shit, so I responded, “This better not be another fucking bad joke.” He looked nonplussed for a second, then proceeded to explain to me that Americans can apply for refugee status in Canada from the War on Drugs. I said that’s bullshit. Which, by the way, it is.

The motherfucker was so offended by this–a mild insult, by my standards–that he immediately demanded his tab and left the bar without speaking another word. He just simply couldn’t handle the idea that someone might point out that simple facts contradict basically every stupid, childish, racist, xenophobic thought in his barely functioning brain.

Indiana has too many of these fucking people. Mr. Riecker here just wants to shout “God’s law! God’s law! God’s law!” and simply can’t abide by someone saying something like, “A gay person whose loved one is dying isn’t allowed to visit them in the hospital because they aren’t allowed to get married. This is injustice.” If you say that, they demand their tab and storm off like spoiled children.

Maybe Illinois will spank them and set them straight.

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Happy Thanks-Gay-ving

Poor Peter LaBarbera. Someone gayed all over his Thanksgiving god-wank fest, so he had no choice but to throw himself a  pity party.

Thanking GOD on Thanksgiving Day

‘Gay’ activists use Thanksgiving to be “thankful for” homosexual advances

Homosexual advances? Did someone try to baste his drumstick?

No. The advances in question are advances in gay rights, particularly the wave of states legalizing gay marriage over the last two years. But the subtitle gets more attention if you phrase it to sound like someone offered unwelcome gravy. And because, and this can’t be emphasized enough, gay sex is all people like LaBarbera ever think about.

As we enjoy Thanksgiving Day tomorrow with our families, we should remember that the original purpose of Thanksgiving was to thank God for our blessings as Americans.

Like most such holidays, it also conveniently allows us to paper over that whole genocide thing.

This is clearly demonstrated by two of the “founding documents” of Thanksgiving (reprinted below) – George Washington’s and Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving Day Proclamations. Both pay homage to God (so much for ACLU’s vision of separating God from State).

Because that’s all it takes to win a legal argument, right?

As secularism and – dare I say – godlessness deepen in these United States, many are leaving God out of Thanksgiving Day. Language always follows the heart: have you noticed the habit that has crept in of people being thankful for this and that – without being thankful to God?

If God weren’t such an insecure, needy fucking prick this wouldn’t be an issue. What the fuck should I be thanking him for, anyway? “Hey, God! Thanks for wiping out the Indians with smallpox so that white people could overrun yet another corner of the globe and build yet another empire on the backs of slaves!”

Now homosexuality advocates (and others) have taken this regrettable phenomenon a step further: using Thanksgiving as an opportunity to be “thankful for” developments that are decidedly ungodly – e.g., the advance of out-and-proud homosexualism, including “same-sex marriage,” in the United States.

Waaah! They got gay all over my Thanksgiving! I can’t enjoy a holiday if it’s also celebrated by people who are different from me!

I came upon this homosexual website article timed for Thanksgiving about homosexuals being thankful for various “gay rights” achievements, including more lesbians on TV!

How could a website be homosexual?

We know as Christians and Bible-respecting Jews that Our Heavenly Father is not smiling on that:

You’re right. He’s probably frantically masturbating to the new All Lesbian Channel. I know this because your god seems to be a lot like you.

here is some eternal, unchanging biblical truth on the sin of lesbianism and homosexuality:

He then proceeds to quote the same old tired Bible verses that god-humpers pull from their asses whenever they want to justify their bigotry.

That’s really what’s so frustrating about these fundamentalist types. Their tune never fucking changes. They just keep parroting the same ignorant garbage and telling the same lies and whining about the same imaginary persecution over and over  and over. They’ve mistaken recalcitrance and thickheadedness for eternal truth, stubbornness for ultimate meeting. They’re like donkeys that refuse to move, but also believe that Not Moving is the ultimate meaning of all life in the universe. They’re holy asses. Holy asses obsessed with assfucking.

Why are you getting all divisive and preachy on us the day before Thanksgiving?! you ask.

No, I’m not asking that. I’m well aware that you’re incapable of doing anything else.

The rest of his post is just as predictable. He’s in sole possession of the ultimate truth. America needs to suck Jesus’ dick or god will take a holy righteous dump on the future. He’s a poor persecuted victim because liberals call him names like “bigot” when all he wants is to take away people’s rights. Yawn.

You know what I’m thankful for, Mr. LaBarbera? I’m thankful that people like you are slowly but surely losing. I’m thankful that, at the end of the day, all you have left is your indignation, resentment, and spite. And I’m thankful that I get to watch you slowly consume yourself through your own hatred until you’re nothing but a purple-face, spittle-flecked, angry old man spewing desperate, futile wails of frustration at a world that gives less and less of a shit about you every day. You’re becoming more and more irrelevant, and part of you damn well knows it.

Happy Thanksgiving, bitch.

How dare you call a spade a spade???

You know what bigots hate? Pointing out that they’re bigots. If bigots flew planes, they would never want to be called pilots. If they played football, they’d never want to be called athletes. If they were the lead singer of Seether, they would never want to be called an absolute no talent hack piece of crap on toast. Bigots want to be bigoted, but they sure as buttfuck don’t want the fact that they’re bigots to be spoken aloud. That would be stating a fact, and, as we all know, the facts are biased.

No bias here! AP equates opposition to gay marriage with homophobia

In other startling news, they equated ursine qualities with bears. GAY bears!

Evidently, somewhere along the way, opposition to gay marriage became the same thing as homophobia — at least according to the Associated Press. Here’s a recent AP headline:

AP "anti-gay" headline

The title, is of course, totally accurate, which is why Twitchy (that’s what they call themselves over there…sounds pretty gay…) can’t stand the idea of it being uttered in public.

This past Saturday night, Sen. Rubio spoke at a fundraising dinner for the Florida Family Policy Council, a group that opposes gay marriage. But apparently that story just wasn’t spicy enough for AP writer Brendan Farrington, who felt compelled to suggest that same-sex marriage opponents are “anti-gay.” Because if you aren’t in favor of same-sex marriage, clearly you’re a vicious homophobe.

Bigots always assume that other people’s minds work just like theirs–that is, making the most childishly simplistic inferences then treating them as Gospel Truth. But of course, that’s not the AP’s reasoning at all. One can easily see that Florida Family Policy Council is anti-gay merely by looking at the numerous statements made by their deranged, bigoted fuckhead of a leader (John Stemberger) and the guy this event was honoring (Matt Staver), over the years:

The Florida Family Policy Council announced today that it will host Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) at its 2013 Annual Dinner. The FFPC is led by John Stemberger, the anti-gay activist who most recently helped launch a Boy Scouts splinter group that will ban openly gay youth, and the fundraiser will honor Liberty Counsel head Mat Staver.

….

Stemberger previously chaired Florida for Marriage, which spearheaded the campaign to pass a state constitutional amendment banning same-sex unions, and founded the anti-gay Boy Scout alternative Trail Life USA. Earlier in his career as a lawyer, he was widely criticized for misconduct in the Rifqa Barry case.

Stemberger has a long record of incendiary anti-gay rhetoric. He:

  • Said that people are gay because they think it is “hip” and “cool.”
  • Alleged that affirming LGBT youth is “tantamount to abuse” and “an abuse to that child.”

We noted Staver’s radicalism and involvement in a kidnapping case in our profile of him for the 2013 Values Voter Summit:

– See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/marco-rubio-headline-anti-gay-fundraiser#sthash.eIcF06oU.dpuf

Wait. What was that last part??? “INVOLVEMENT IN A KIDNAPPING“???

Yes, that is correct. This guy was implicated in an incident when an “ex-gay” woman kidnapped a child rather than let her live in the custody of her evil lesbian ex-partner. He was even named in the RICO suit that alleged a cover up. How much more would he have to do to qualify as anti-gay? Kidnapping lesbians’ children isn’t enough? Can anything short of outright murder of gay people count as anti-gay to the nitwits at Twitchy?

Of course, Twitchy would never acknowledge any of this. AP called them anti-gay because they were “merely” against gay marriage. Because, as we all know, denying a right to gay marriage is the only bad thing the bigots would ever do to gays.

But even if we accept this chowder-headed non-logic from the Twitchy bigots, it’s still bullshit. Yes, dumbfucks, if you oppose gay marriage, that makes you anti-gay by definition. You’re trying to deny gay people equal rights. That is anti-fucking-gay. Just like if you oppose interracial marriage, that’s all it takes to make you a fucking racist. I need know no other fact about you to be able to state such an obvious fact. Any and all people who oppose gay marriage are anti-gay. If you seek to deny some group equal rights, you are against that group. Period.

Sorry if that fucks up your persecution complex and makes you feel all poopy inside. Truth hurts. Fucking deal with it.

Should we ditch the numerals, too?

We really need to put warning signs on the highways leading into the Deep South that say: “Warning! Entering the Dumbshit Zone!”  I think decent, reasonably embrained people should at least get some kind of heads up before they drive to Alabama and find themselves in a place where fucking shit like this happens:

Arabic foreign language class at Daphne High teaches ‘a culture of hate,’ some parents say

If a language class could teach a culture of hate, it would have to be something like “How to slur your words like a redneck” or “Christian Doublespeak 101.”

School officials believe the class will help prepare students to succeed in a global economy.

But some Daphne residents are upset that the Baldwin County school system is permitting its students to learn what they call “a culture of hate.”

“When you teach Arabic, you have to teach the culture along with it,” said Chuck Pyritz, whose two sons, Isaiah, 17, and Isaac, 14, attend Daphne High. “The culture is intertwined with Islam.”

I know, right? Whenever you learn a language, you automatically adopt the culture it came from. When I took Spanish, I suddenly found myself wearing a sombrero and running a drug cartel. We better stop teaching Greek unless we want a bunch of toga-wearing pedophiles running around!

Pyritz cited the case of jihadist Omar Hammami, who grew up in Daphne, as a compelling reason that school systems should not offer courses in Arabic. “That’s another red flag for us,” he said.

Hammami, who attended Daphne High, but did not graduate, is believed to have been killed a few weeks ago by members of his former Somali Islamist militant group, al-Shabab.

He is also believed to have gone to this school BEFORE they started teaching Arabic, which can only mean he has time traveling abilities, right?

“This is America, and English is our language, and while I understand the alleged premise of offering Arabic at our high school, I don’t agree with it,” said Michael Rife, who lives in Daphne.

The first part of your quote clearly shows that the second part of your quote is incorrect.

“It is not just another language; it is a language of a religion of hate. I’m concerned about our taxpayer dollars going to fund such a program, because I don’t believe it has a lot of foundational value.

Millions of Christians speak Arabic all over the world. So yeah, I guess it is the language of a religion of hate.

“It just concerns me that we’re headed down a path of further eroding our society to a Muslim-based society, or Sharia law (the moral code of Islam), and I’m not willing to let that happen without … something to say about it.”

Usually I find the people most concerned with the erosion of our society are the ones who contribute the most to said erosion. Alabama is becoming a fucking Grand Canyon of social erosion.

Pyritz was also disturbed, he said, after meeting with Baldwin school officials to voice his concerns and learning of plans to expand Arabic and other language course offerings in Daphne’s elementary and middle schools.

More education? Disturbing!

“They’re trying to indoctrinate our children with this culture that has failed,” he said.

All those god damn assholes teaching Latin. What the hell are they thinking? Don’t they know the Roman Empire failed?

“…Why should we want to teach our kids a failed culture when we have a culture that has been successful?

It’s not like they could learn from history or anything like that…

All we have to do is follow our Christian culture, which has brought this nation to the pinnacle of success. … I don’t see why they would want to teach this.”

Except that the success of Western culture in both North America and Europe has coincided with the gradual secularization of society and diminishing power of the church.

So fuck Christian culture. It failed too. I mean, isn’t that what you guys are always fucking whining about? How Christian culture is eroding away and being replaced with secularism? How is that different from you failing? The trend has been going on for 300 years now and shows no sign of abating. You lose. So teaching kids Christianity would be a bad idea by your own comically childish “reasoning”.

Donna Rife, a Daphne resident who has two grandchildren in Daphne schools, questioned the fairness of teaching Arabic when public school systems often discourage any expression of religion.

Look, dumbfucks, Arabic is not a religion. Lot’s of Christians are Arabic speakers in Lebanon, Israel, Egypt and elsewhere. It’s just a fucking language. Saying Arabic somehow turns kids into Muslims is just as stupid as saying teaching Latin will turn them Catholic. It’s fucking idiotic.

“If they want to speak their language, that is their privilege in this country,” she said.

A lot of your fellow right wing god-humpers feel differently, bitch. Does a day ever go by where some jackass doesn’t complain about the growing frequency of the Spanish language in our culture?

“But don’t silence another voice, such as Christianity. …

By “silencing” she of course means “not allowing to enforce over others’ children”.

We are not a Muslim nation, and yet they’re trying to bring this kind of nonsense into (schools). I am absolutely against it.”

If you had even the slightest ability to recognize what is and isn’t nonsense, you wouldn’t be taking a verbal beating from me right now.

Rife was also disturbed, she said, about the possibility of her grandchildren studying Islam. “It’s a great concern to me, because they’re being indoctrinated with this,” she said.

A major part of the problem here is stupid people learning big words that they don’t understand. According to these idiots, pretty much any for of education other than “Jesus doesn’t want you to masturbate or help poor people” is “indoctrination”.

“Arabic leads right into the Muslim teaching, and that is where the danger is and that is what I am absolutely against,” she said.

How? How does it possibly do that? I’ve studied three different foreign languages in high school and in undergraduate and graduate college, and at no point did any of them convert me to a religion. Fuck, I’d be worshiping god damn Zeus right now after two years of ancient Greek if there were anything in her statement that belonged in any universe that included anything that made sense.

“Let them teach that in their mosques — but keep it out of our schools.”

Shitstain fundamentalists do support separation of church and state…when it comes to OTHER people’s religions.

It’s just that they don’t have even the foggiest comprehension of it or how it works. No, teaching Arabic does not violate separation of church and state. Teaching the Koran would, but no one is proposing that. Teaching Hebrew does not violate separation of church and state. But teaching Genesis does. It’s not that fucking difficult to wrap your brain around. Just, please, TRY to engage some tiny fiber of your shriveled reptilian brain stem and understand this painfully simple distinction. The law is pretty clear on this.

You fail. You fail at understanding the law. You fail at education. You fail at language. You fail at being a decent human being. You fail at life, love, and everything positive in the world. Please, please leave the rest of us alone and keep your boneheaded bigotry away from the schools, so we can try to educate these children so they don’t grow up to be like you.

Buh Bye, Bachmann

Sarah Palin’s Mini-Me Michele Bachmann, the odious stupidity-sponge from Minnesota, has decided not to run for reelection next year. There aren’t enough “good riddances” in the universe to express my elation at this news. I honestly don’t give a shit why she’s doing this, I’m just glad this intellectual black hole won’t be in fucking Congress any more. But Bachmann wants us all to know she’s no coward.

In her video announcement, Bachmann said her decision was not influenced by any concerns about winning reelection.

“I’ve always, in the past, defeated candidates who were capable, qualified, and well-funded. And I have every confidence that if I ran, I would again defeat the individual who I defeated last year, who recently announced that he is once again running,” Bachmann said.

Sadly, I actually think this part is true. This might be the only fucking thing in existence that I agree with her on: She could probably get reelected if she wanted to. Whatever district of Minnesota she represents must be full of routine drool-rag users, or else she never could have made it to Washington to begin with.

But then there’s this…

Nor was her decision based on any concerns over an ongoing congressional ethics inquiry into the improper transfer of campaign funds, Bachmann said in her video. She is also facing a Federal Election Commission complaint about her former presidential campaign.

“This decision was not impacted in any way by the recent inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign or my former presidential staff,” she said. “It was clearly understood that compliance with all rules and regulations was an absolute necessity for my presidential campaign. And I have no reason to believe that that was not the case.”

Suuuure… I’ll fucking believe that when I believe anything else that Bachmann believes.

“I promise you I have and I will continue to fight to protect innocent human life, traditional marriage, family values, religious liberty, and academic excellence,” Bachmann said.

*Snort*

If she’s protecting academic excellence, then I’m a god damned Mormon missionary.

How to be a Christian asshole

Evangelism plays an interesting role in Christianity. Superficially, evangelism is Christians converting non-Christians into Christians. But in reality, evangelism literature is aimed primarily at people who are already Christian. Rather than a tool for bringing in new members, it’s more a tool for reinforcing the beliefs of those who are already members. The odious Ray Comfort’s ludicrously implausible evangelism anecdotes are a sterling example of this, and this one is a doozy.

How to share the gospel with homosexuals

Exclusive: Ray Comfort turns to couple on airplane and says …

Oh, this is gonna be a good one. (Nota bene: I live in an alternate universe where “good” means “offensive and imbecilic.”)

I was flying from Los Angeles to Miami when I found myself sitting next to two women. Sarah was sitting closest to me. She was 29, inappropriately dressed, with a ring through her nose, and she wasn’t the friendliest person I have sat next to on a plane.

Always start out your gospel-sharing by being a judgmental prude. It really makes people want to go to Heaven when they’re confronted with the notion that Heaven means spending eternity with billions of Ray Comforts. Side note: “Not the friendliest person I’ve sat next to on a plane” was voted as “Biggest Understatement in the Universe” by everyone who’s ever sat next to Ray Comfort on a plane.

After we took off I couldn’t help but notice that her friend kept kissing her on the cheek, holding her hand and rubbing her shoulder.

Pervert.

They were “gay,” and that little revelation lifted my planned witnessing encounter up a big notch on the awkward meter.

“Planned witnessing encounters” are pretty fucking high on any awkwardness meter anyways. And, keep in mind, Comfort has been complaining about how unfriendly the lesbians were. Apparently, being lesbian in his presence is unfriendly, since he provides no other evidence that they did anything wrong other than be two people in love with each other.

I really didn’t want an angry homosexual couple complaining to the airline (and the media) that I was a homophobic fundamentalist, imposing my “hate speech” by saying that they were going to hell because they were gay.

Ray Comfort is the victim! Gay people behaved as gay people near him! It was horrible! He couldn’t help but notice it, because he watches lesbians a lot to…witness to them. And there’s nothing hateful about telling a stranger that they’ll burn forever just for living a different lifestyle.

I waited until she had eaten, finished her movie, and simply said, “Sarah. I have a question for you. Do you think there’s an afterlife?”

She wasn’t sure, so I asked, “If heaven exists, are you going there? Are you a good person?”

She predictably said she was, so I took her through three of the Ten Commandments – had she lied, stolen and taken God’s name in vain?

And here we have Comfort’s foundational con. This is how he “witnesses” to EVERYBODY. YouTube is awash with videos of him and his buttfuckingly idiotic followers pulling this exact same schtick on whatever stranger is tolerant enough to appear on camera with them. The argument is utterly unconvincing to anyone who hasn’t already granted the Bible some kind of special moral privilege, and its application is no more relevant to homosexuals than it is to stamp collectors who look like Peter Lorre. It’s just shit he’s shoveling into Christian mouths so they’ll give him more money, because that’s what evangelicals do: They pay already wealthy people to feed them bullshit and work against their own interests.

I didn’t mention her sexual orientation; I didn’t need to, nor did I want to. I simply shared the moral law (the Ten Commandments), because the Bible says that the law was “made” for homosexuals – see 1 Timothy 1:8-10. She wasn’t offended, and I kept her friendship and stayed out of jail.

Number of people who have been jailed in the USA simply for being anti-gay bigoted shit-for-brains: ZERO.  But Ray Comfort needs to portray himself as the brave hero so that Christians will fund his ministry, so he needs to pretend that there was some kind of risk in asking a lesbian if she’s dumb enough to belief the dogshit in the Bible. Without the self-aggrandizement and posturing, his dumbfuck followers wouldn’t donate.

By the way, this concludes his story about witnessing to gays. The rest of the article is about a girl who wanted to have an abortion. So to summarize the story described in the title

  1. Ray Comfort judges a girl’s dress and jewelry on a plane.
  2. Ray Comfort can’t help but watch two lesbians act like a couple who’s in love. Being a couple in love makes them sinners who burn, burn, burn.
  3. Ray Comfort annoys them with Bible verses.
  4. ….
  5. Ray Comfort is a hero who narrowly avoided jail!!!! Give Ray Comfort money!
  6. Ray Comfort says don’t pay attention to the fact that most of Ray Comfort’s stories are primarily about Ray Comfort with other humans serving only as props.

What a fucking repulsive freak of a human being. And he’s just getting started.

What about a woman planning an abortion?

What about her? It’s none of your fucking business.

Trying to witness to someone who is about to take the life of her child is also high on the awkward list.

It’s even higher on the Misogynistic Douchefuck list.

It’s awkward, mainly because the mind of this person is preoccupied with what she is about to do and therefore it’s difficult to get her attention.

Ray Comfort: Understander of Women. If only women would stop thinking so much about their own lives and bodies and pay more attention to Ray Comfort!

However, if she would stop and talk, I would handle the situation similarly to my conversation with Sarah.

No shit. That’s how you handle conversations with all human beings everywhere.

The reason for that is that I don’t want to reform people. I didn’t want Sarah to stop being gay and end up in hell for her lying, theft and blasphemy. I don’t want to just stop a woman from killing her child and have her go to hell for her other sins. With God’s help I want to see more than a change of mind. I want to see a change of heart.

Not surprising, seeing as “The omnipotent ruler of the whole universe deliberately made you imperfect and will send you to burn for eternity simply for being how he made you so you should love him more than anything” isn’t going to have much appeal to anybody’s mind.

Contrary to popular opinion, most who take the life of their child through abortion believe in God.

What fucking “popular opinion” are you referring to?

Even the staunchest fundamentalist atheist believes in God.

Oh, so by “popular opinion” you mean “idiotic horseshit that only the most deranged god-humping cuntburger would believe”…

I know because I have an inside source. I have a “whistleblower”

It better not be the Bible.

“For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools” (Romans 1:20-22).

God fucking damn it.

What I said about evangelism being more about appealing to those who already believe has a lot of variation. Some Christians do it more than others. Comfort is notable for how flagrantly his “evangelism” is aimed at no one other than fellow Christians. He doesn’t even try to hide it. He has precisely zero interest in converting non-Christians. His only goal is to bring more Christians into his following so they give him more money. I seriously doubt that he’s even capable of expending energy on any other task, or thinking about any other goal.

Those who abort the life of their children are “idolaters,” illustrated in the fact that their god condones the taking of a human life.

Actually, I’m pretty sure that idolatry is more aptly illustrated by things like this.

They have no fear of God before their eyes. So your agenda, with the help of God, is to stir her God-given conscience to do its duty and put the fear of God within her, and you can do that as I did with Sarah and her homosexuality, without even mentioning the elephant in the room – the impending abortion.

Ladies, if you’re in a room where abortion is an elephant, get out of that room. The people in it are assholes.

Do not use the “God has a wonderful plan” message, because it is both unbiblical and will do more damage than good. If you really believe that that message is biblical, think for a few moments about how the first eleven disciples were murdered for their faith.

So god’s plan sucks and fails his followers. Gotcha.

If you know Church history, you will know that the foundation of the church is founded in the blood of the saints. Jesus warned that people would kill Christians thinking that they are doing God a favor.

And the fact that he did nothing to prevent this, despite his supposed omnipotence, proves that he was an evil cocksucker.

Imagine you have been asked to preach the gospel to 1,000 people on the 100th floor of the World Trade Center the night before 9/11.

No.

You know that within 24 hours every person looking at you will die a death so horrific it defies human imagination.

Fuck you. Are you seriously gonna use fucking 9/11 in your fucking evangelism scam? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Many will be burned alive.

Unfortunately, you weren’t among them, you disgusting piece of human filth.

Others will jump 100 stories to their deaths on the unforgiving sidewalks of New York.

You are a wretched, appalling, horrible person. The fact that you would invoke the terrible suffering of 9/11 victims in your pathetic evangelism scam is so fucking low, so fucking depraved, so fucking repellant, that I’m literally shaking with anger. The people who lost their lives that day were better than you could ever hope to be. You, of all people, have no business invoking their names. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Others will fall with the building and be so crushed that their bodies will never be recovered.

I say this in all seriousness:

GO FUCK YOURSELF. HARD. WITH SOMETHING SHARP. THEN BLEED OUT YOUR ASS AND DIE.

This is a fucking disgusting display. Comfort has transitioned from harassing gay people on airplanes to exploiting the deaths of thousands of Americans at the hands of fundamentalists who happen to be from a different bullshit religion. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

What are you going to tell them – that God has a wonderful plan for their lives? You can’t say that to people who are about to die!

I’m just glad that the people who suffered and died in 9/11 didn’t have to hear your bullshit as a final insult to their legacy. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Instead you would soberly tell them that it’s appointed to man once to die and after this, the judgment. You would tell them that God is holy, that He will judge them by His perfect law, that hell is very real and that they desperately need a Savior. You would tell them that they could die within 24 hours, and plead with them to repent and trust alone in Jesus.

The only thing more repulsive and immoral than Ray Comfort is the imaginary being Ray Comfort pretends to worship. And the only thing more pathetic than his op-ed is the simple-minded dope who donates to his ministry after reading this horrendous goatshit.

If you have to change the message you normally preach, then you are not preaching the biblical gospel. Why would you have a different message for people who are walking the streets of this world and are about to die? Every day 150,000 people throughout this world pass into death, many of whom will die in terrible ways – through horrific car accidents and through the suffering of cancer.

Fuck your useless, heartless god harder than you fuck yourself.

The instant someone is converted to Jesus Christ, they know that means no more lying, stealing, lust, pornography, homosexuality, fornication, adultery, idolatry and no murdering of your own children.

Comfort is using the word “know” to mean “keep doing it, but judge others for it.”

Such faithful talk will cause the sinner to tremble as Felix trembled when Paul reasoned with him – not about some wonderful plan, but of “sin, temperance and judgment.”

No, it will cause any sane person to despise you.

The stirring of the dormant conscience coupled with a knowledge that a holy God will hold her accountable should be enough to put the fear of God within someone who is about to commit the murder of her own offspring. May God help us to be faithful, courageous and give us wisdom and help us to stop such slaughter.

Going around telling strangers that they will burn forever because the being who created them the way they are will burn them forever unless they believe what Ray Comfort says without evidence is not a wise move. Such admonitions only work on the stupid, the vulnerable, the confused, the disingenuous, and the malicious. It is not in any way how two humans converse rationally with each other. Comfort’s approach amounts to only one of two things: A deliberate attempt to exploit vulnerable and confused people, or a callous and cynical attempt to keep Christians who might be straying within the fold.

It’s hard for me to express just how disgusting Ray Comfort is to me. He’s a predator whose weapons are stupidity and ignorance. He preys on Christians who are too fucking ignorant and/or stupid to know how a fucking rational argument works or how people other than themselves think. There really are people out there who think he’s telling the truth with his bullshit conversion stories, and they give him money to perpetuate his obvious fucking scam of a ministry. It’s pathetic, it’s disgusting, it’s disheartening, it’s just plain sad.

Ray Comfort has turned being a stupid Christian asshole into a profession. Woe is America.

It’s the journey, not the destination

Some questions have very obvious answers. This is definitely one of those cases. A Teabagger group is trying to press Sarah Palin to get back into politics, and they lead off with this question…

“Do the words ‘Senator Sarah Palin’ excite you?”

Fuck no. The idea of her actually gaining any real power makes me feel like my heart is trying to escape through my ass while my brain silently weeps as it soaks in kerosine and prepares to immolate itself.

Luckily, it’ll never happen. And the thought of what a hilarious train wreck it would be if she actually tried to run for Senate makes me pretty giddy. Whoever runs against her would trounce her into the dirt as she sputters one fucking incompetent, incoherent religio-blathering catchphrase after another, all the while alienating everyone but the most brain dead theocratic god-humpers from the Republican Party.

I seriously doubt Palin will actually run for Senate, but it would be hilarious if she did. Republicans in Alaska, make this happen! She has absolutely no chance of winning, so a Palin Senate campaign would be nothing but pure entertainment (in the way that watching an abandonned building full of sparklers burn to the ground might be entertaining). Laughing at Palin’s continued failure would provide a bit of levity in an otherwise tedious and irritating election season.

And if, by some horrendously unlikely chance, she ever does make it back into government….Well, if that dark and dreadful day comes we might as well just give up on having a country. Just pack our bags and move to the Moon, salting the earth behind us so that it never sprouts another nation that could allow for such an abomination to occur. Shame and ignominy!

P.S. The fact that there are still delusional god-humpers out there who actually believe–after every goat-fuckingly stupid thing she’s said and done–that she should be given authority over a clown college, much less the whole country, lowers my estimation of humanity even further than I ever thought it could go. How the fuck do these people find the time to form political campaigns given how much of their day must surely be taken up by drooling on themselves and accidentally microwaving the cat because they confused it with a Pop Tart?

Hat tip to Ed Brayton.