Stupid fish in a noisy barrel

Wanna know the best way to get a good laugh while simultaneously losing any and all hope for the future of humanity’s intelligence? Read the WingNutDaily letters to the editors page! Let’s start out with the really good shit:

Potty mouth

Wednesday, November 20th, 2013

Martin Bashir’s latest comments about Sarah Palin have literally instituted “potty mouth” journalism.

Literally! Journalists are now literally putting shit in their mouths.

Joe Biden was accidentally caught using potty mouth language, but Martin Bashir, along with Ed Shultz, has elevated potty mouth crazy-talk to new levels.

Are you seriously sticking with this “potty mouth” motif? Remember, this is one conservative talking to other conservatives. And he talks to them like they’re fucking five year olds.  Quite revealing.

Their obscene language simply reflect the obscene politics of their viewers as well as the perverted laws enacted by the lawmakers that they support.

George Green

You forgot to add “time for nappy” to the end of that. Although the irrelevant reference to gays was a nice touch.

Only God can save us

Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

Mr. Joseph Farah, you said it perfectly! You said it sincerely! And, you spoke the truth! [“America’s last chance”]

Yes, we are on the cusp of total destruction as a nation. The criminal-acting members of Congress are running away from their responsibilities. The MSM are aiding and abetting treasonous, criminal acts each and every day. No one is stopping them!

“Whenever we try to stop the media, they keep talking about this thing called the ‘First Amendment’, but that’s unconstitutional!” [Note: I’m using the Right Wing definition of “unconstitutional”, which is basically “Something I don’t like and haven’t attempted to understand.”]

We all know who and what Obama stands for! Beyond any reasonable doubt, Obama is a criminal, a liar, a traitor and is obviously hell-bent on destroying our nation!

“I’m not at all bothered that I’ve written 9 sentences so far without ever once saying anything of any substance! Innuendo and accusations are all I need!”

These are not just idle words. These words are truthful.

Um, actually they’re the fucking definition of idle words, seeing as everything you’ve said has been empty boilerplate.

Yet, our nation is totally paralyzed to act and to save itself from total destruction.

We’re not “paralyzed” so much as we’re “ignoring your paranoid, uninformed blather like it were the sound of a fart during unfulfilling sex.”

Only God can save our nation now!

Jack Sherratt

We’re fucked, then. Might as well place your hopes in Mighty Mouse.

Obama: The ‘enemy within’

Sunday, November 17th, 2013

Yesterday I met a patriot who has a relative in the Army.

When someone refers to a casual acquaintance as a “patriot” in this manner, he might as well have “Jackass” stamped on his forehead.

My new acquaintance has a couple members of his family who are ministers of the gospel like me. They all have the same perspective about End-Time prophecy as me. Because we both have much in common, he opened up to me about something you need to know about.

Blind ignorance finds a tit. Idiocy is more easily maintained in groups, which is why these kinds of dingleberries tend to gravitate together.

His relative was recently asked if he would take an oath of allegiance to Obama.

Well, he’s in the Army, and the President is Commander in Chief of the Army, so that’s not exactly shocking. All soldiers are supposed to take orders from the President. This isn’t exactly new.

He said he would honor his oath to defend our nation, but not to defend Obama.

Who does he think his orders are coming from? If he goes to war to “defend” our nation, who the fuck does he think is sending him there? Jesus himself? John Wayne? The Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man? Seriously. I really want to know who this guy thinks is in charge of the military, because he sure as fuck doesn’t seem to realize it’s the President.

All the other soldiers at his post were also asked to swear allegiance to Obama, too. They gave the same answer that they would only honor their oath to protect the U.S.

All of them. Every single one. I’m sure he’s not exaggerating at all. An entire post is refusing to take orders from the Commander In Chief, which means the whole shebang will soon be court-martialed for insubordination. Riiiight.

None of them were willing to protect Obama because they consider him an enemy within.

What is it with the right wing mind that it can’t just disagree with someone, or just merely not like someone? Look, I get it if some people don’t like Obama. I didn’t like Bush, so I know the feeling of disliking the President. But I never would have claimed Bush WANTED to destroy the country, or that he was a terrorist, or any other hyperbolic bullshit like that. He sucked as President, but that doesn’t make him The Enemy.

But right wingers seem incapable of merely thinking someone is mistaken, or just merely not liking somebody. If they disagree with somebody, their minds immediately leap all the way to “ENEMY”. It’s like everything between “AGREE” and “KILL THE FUCKER” just doesn’t exist in their world.

This is what Hitler did shortly before he became dictator of Germany.

D.S.

Thanks for that, D.S. I was starting to worry that your letter wasn’t quite eating-one’s-own-soiled-underpants crazy enough. I hope those were some tasty undies, buddy.

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The Dumbest Comment in the Universe

The Atlantic Wire recently posted an article on recent poll data regarding the issues of gay marriage, affirmative action, and the NSA. It says about what one would think. Most Americans favor gay marriage, oppose affirmative action, and really hate the NSA. This is consistent with what several other polls have shown. It comes as no surprise.

But, oh, the comments on that article. A piece that involves both homosexuality and race is bound to bring out the pudding-brained godfuckers and hate-sucking bigots, and this one is no exception. There are a ton of dumb-as-a-box-of-finely-sifted-shit comments on it. But one in particular really stood out to me, so I thought I’d single it out for some mockery.  Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to the man who calls himself vanhellsinger:

vanhellslinger 2 hours ago

The numbers change from day to day. For Example.

Now, normally when a human being types something like this, statistics usually follow. But that’s only true in this case if you speak some strange language in which “statistics” means “utter fucking imbecilic lunacy.”

Since the beginning of gay rights which started when Obama was elected…

Wait wait wait. Let me pull a Kanye here. I’ma let you finish, but first I gotta point something out. If you think Obama invented gay rights, you seriously haven’t been paying attention. I mean, where have you fucking been for, oh, the last thirty fucking years or so? You do realize that when the Netherlands became the first country to legalize gay marriage in 2001, Obama was a state senator in Illinois, and no one outside of that state even knew who the fuck he was, right? This is another way of asking just how goatfuckingly stupid do you have to be to think gay rights started with Obama?

Anyways, please continue.

Since the beginning of gay rights which started when Obama was elected the number of violent attacks against homosexuals has risen exponentially.

I mentioned this last time, but it bears repeating. The right wing bigots love pointing to the problems that they themselves create by discriminating as justification for discrimination. It’s like a dog that shits on your carpet then demands a laxative. “See this shit? This shit proves that you need to help me shit more.” Fuck you, dog. How about I rub your nose in your shit, whap you with a rolled up copy of the Constitution, and throw your ass outside where there’s no carpet for you to shit on?

Millions of people are outraged that a proven degenerate behavior is being promoted as a civil right.

Vanhellsinger of course provides no evidence for this. But like all bigots, he speaks for the people! And the people, apparently, are fucking nitwits.

Why not make having cancer a civil right?

Are you suggesting we shouldn’t let people with cancer get married?

Giving minorities a job, promotion, passing grade, and much more just because they are black is so wrong with obviously most people.

Who the fuck gives people a passing grade just because they’re black? I’ve taught at universities for years and never seen anyone do that.

Look what AA got us a President with what appears as an educated intelligent man, but is he?

I can tell someone here is not an educated, intelligent man.

The NSA leak is just another way for the liberals to distract us from the real issues-

Yeah, they’re distracting us by making Obama look  like an asshole. What a brilliant strategy!

The failure of ObamaCare

I don’t like it, therefore it’s a failure!

So if I don’t like the Miami Heat, does that mean I can just give last year’s NBA championship to the OKC Thunder? Because I’d love to do that.

the Fraud of Gay Rights

Let’s be clear here. This guy is actually saying that the NSA scandal was a conspiracy to distract us from the fact that gay rights isn’t real. It takes a special kind of mind to come up with something like that. It’s one of those special minds that rides the special bus and wears a special helmet.

a President that is a coward and unable to defend the American people- Bhengazi

Yeah, the president is soft on terror. I mean, all he does is send flying death robots around the world to kill al Qaeda members whenever they poke their heads above ground. What a pussy.

and not doing anything about Nuclear development in Iran and NK.

“Not doing anything” must mean “levying heavy sanctions on both countries and building up our military presence in the region in response” to this guy.

I suspect the democrats orchestrated this NSA scandal.

You thought I was kidding earlier when I said this guy actually fucking thinks that the NSA is a conspiracy to distract us from our God-given duty to hate fags? Nope. He really is that deranged.

I often wonder what the world must look like to one of these people who think everything is a conspiracy based around whatever they happen to hate.

“My coffee maker broke! Fucking homos!”

“A bird shit on my car! God damn you, Obama!”

“ObamaCare spoiled the end of Game of Thrones for me! Nooooooo!”

Dems have destroyed America ever since the civil war, FDR, Truman, JFK all were bad leaders and caused mass death in unnecessary wars.

…Unnecessary wars? You mean like World War II, the war that FDR and Truman fought? You think we need to bomb Iran and North Korea, but we shouldn’t have retaliated for Pearl Harbor, or stopped the Nazis from overrunning Europe?

And that’s the sentiment on which this dingleberry ends his dribble. Obama created fags, and we should have let the Nazis win. Thank you, Internet, for making me aware of this guy’s existence. Now excuse me while I go take a shower and silently weep for humanity’s future.

Tragedy in White Suburbia

Am I reveling too much in the continued right wing meltdown following Obama’s win? Probably, but I’m gonna keep doing it anyways. Up next, the good ol’ American Thinker. Remember them? The ones repeatedly publishing op-eds predicting a Romney landslide win? Yeah, well, you can imagine they took the shattering of their illusions pretty hard.
And, oh, how they did. 🙂 Mary Durbin provides a particularly amusing reaction:

I am not ashamed to admit it: I cried the night of the election.

It’s probably time for you to start reevaluating what you are and are not ashamed of.

I cried even before the election was called, because I knew in my heart that it was over.

Well, your heart needs to have a conversation with your colleague William Gensert’s gut, which was telling him over and over that Romney was gonna win in a landslide. (Curiously, Gensert hasn’t posted a single op-ed after Nov 6.)

I cried for my country, I cried for my faith, and I cried for the loss of what I imagined would be a life free from constant worry over what the government was going to do next to reduce liberty and freedom.

1.) Your country will be fine.

2.) Your faith sucks.

3.) Really? So when a Republican is in office, you are free from constant worry about loss of liberty? Well, that explains how Bush was able to get away with so much bullshit.

This election cycle, I saw far fewer Obama bumper stickers, so during my morning-after commute it was not easy to spot the perpetrators of my despair.

But it’s pretty damn easy to spot the perpetrators of stilted language and maudlin self-pity.

I cried at work, telling coworkers it was my allergies.  This is something that is very believable in Florida.

Other things that are very believable in Florida:

  • The State Legislature collectively forgot to wear pants for two weeks before anyone noticed.
  • Jeb Bush was hospitalized after accepting a challenge that he couldn’t eat 5 gallons of expired mayonnaise.
  • A local Tea Party elected an alligator with a cross glued to it to the school board.
  • Said alligator prevented Advanced Creationism from being a required course in Florida public schools by eating the other school board members.
  • Said alligator was then shot. Not because he ate the school board, but because the shooter thought that having scales and walking on all fours were popular in African American fashion.
  • A landslide popular vote mandated that a fence be built on the border with the Gulf of Mexico.
  • None of these voters noticed when said fence was never built, but $10 million was somehow spent on it anyways.

Honestly, the best thing I can say about Florida is “It ain’t Texas.”

But then I started noticing something.  The other night, I picked up dinner at one of the many roadside barbeque stands that permeate the part of Tampa where I live.  The owner seemed positive and upbeat.  I thought, “Does he not know how hard it is going to be to expand his business?  Does he understand how difficult the government is going to make it for him to keep on smoking all those chickens and ribs and mullet?”  (Remember, this is Florida.)

I thought Florida was known for another kind of mullet, one which I would gladly ban.

But, I don’t really have a leg to stand on here. I’m from Oklahoma, where it is common to find–I shit you not–Barbecue Bologna. Compared to that, barbecue mullet doesn’t have shit on the WTF-o-meter.

I went to the supermarket, and my favorites cashier waved hello and said, “How are you doing, sweetheart?”  Again, I asked myself, “Doesn’t she know what is going to happen to her health care?”

So you at least noticed that the election of Obama hasn’t immediately transformed your dull, homogenous suburban lifestyle into a dystopian hellscape. I guess that’s progress.

I went to a meeting last weekend at a hotel near the airport.  When I walked in, I saw the lobby full of guests whom I easily identified, thanks to my near-obsession with TV bridal reality shows, as members of wedding parties.  As they were all dashing off to make last-minute preparations, I thought, “There are still weddings?  These people must have faith in the future if they still want to get married…right?”

We still have reality TV and marital frivolities! Obama can’t take that away! Unless the gays destroy marriage AND reality TV!

After my meeting, I went to a nearby mall.  When I walked in, I saw that the Christmas decorations were already up.  I am one of those people who find Christmas decorations in early November an abomination and disrespectful to the next holiday in line, Thanksgiving…but this time, I found it comforting to see Santa Claus (the real one — not the government-issued one) sitting in his overstuffed chair, waiting for the youngest among us to make their special requests.

No need to worry. Overthrowing Thanksgiving was a preemptive move in the War on Christmas. Christmas joining homosexuality in the Abomination Club was just an unfortunate bit of collateral damage. Luckily, the Real Santa Claus survived, just to insure that the suburbs are still tolerably monotonous and superficial for you shallow-minded soccer moms.

So to paraphrase Dr. Seuss and the Grinch, the election didn’t stop Christmas from coming.  It’s coming.

“Paraphrase” doesn’t mean “Say something that has nothing to do with and doesn’t even make sense.”

I went to the food court and saw a long line at Chick-fil-A.  I joined it.  As usual, I received great service.  The young man waiting on me was from the demographic that has been so constantly scrutinized of late.  I said to myself, “Please , please don’t grow up to be a Democrat.”  Hopefully he will learn, if he hasn’t already, that working hard and doing a good job are the true ways to success.

Yeah, that menial job at Chick-fil-A certainly has him going places. I’m sure he’s mighty happy to be serving self-centered bitches like you who support policies that will make it very difficult for him to do anything more with his life. That’s the American Dream, after all: Working your ass off for minimum wage so that privileged suburbanites who don’t give a fuck about you can rest easy knowing that their mass produced chicken sandwiches are preventing gays from experiencing the marital bliss they watch on reality TV.

While I ate my lunch, I noticed the family sitting at the table next to me.  There was a little girl who seemed utterly enthralled with the dollar bill she was holding.  I guessed that she hadn’t yet realized how little it buys today!  She was showing it off to her family and kept reading aloud the words “The United States of America.”

Ah, yes. It’s so quaintly beautiful to see those first, innocent buds of greed and jingoism before they’re old enough to understand inflation.

Of course, I started to cry again (I need to buy stock in Kimberly-Clark).

The image of a Republican soccer mom weeping silently over her fag-hating sandwich in a dull, lifeless suburban food court is the kind of thing that gives me hope in this world.

And then, finally, I remembered something.  I remembered that despite everything, we Americans are a strong people, and we will find ways to get on with our lives.  Life may not be the life many us wanted or voted for on November 6, 2012, but life will go on.

You put us through 8 years of Bush. You get no fucking sympathy from me.

“Life will go on.” Jesus titty-motor-boating Christ. Yes, Mary Durbin, you can still eat cheap sandwiches in a food court in suburban Tampa. You can still watch TV. You can still look at Christmas decorations at the mall. You can still live your dull, pointless, myopic existence without a hint of self-awareness. Despite all the scare-mongering and demagoguery that your sponge-like micro-brain absorbs on a regular basis, it remains true that middle class, straight, Christian, Southern suburbanites like you are the people least likely to have their daily lives altered by anything Obama does. I realize that processing cognitive dissonance is difficult for people like you, but think about this: You are at least partially aware of the fact that your daily life will go on mostly unchanged with Obama as President. But you oppose Obama because his policies might make life easier for people who are different from you–namely, poor people and gays. And helping poor people and gays might mean that millionaires (not you) have to pay slightly more taxes–not enough to make them no longer millionaires, but more than they want to. And WHO exactly is telling you that you should oppose Obama because he’s going to destroy your treasured Christmas decorations and chicken sandwiches? The ones he clearly has NOT destroyed?

The Protocols of the Elders of Lyin’

The right wing blame game continues, as conservative bigots everywhere struggle mightily to simultaneously believe two incompatible propositions:

1.) They lost the election.

2.) They were never mistaken about anything. Ever.

Who to blame for the loss today? JEWS! Yes, that’s right, Jews. Every bigot’s favorite scapegoat since…oh, let’s say about 2,000 BC.

When you see a headline at WingNutDaily that reads “70% of Jewish Population Voted for Obama”, you know this article is gonna go one of two ways: Either A.) It’ll be a fiery zionist, pro-Israel, anti-Palestinian diatribe, or B.) an anti-semitic tirade against the Christ-killin’, Manishevitz-swillin’ banking conspirators. And guess what? It’s both! Well, the article is Zionist, the commenters on the article are anti-semitic (mostly).

I find Zionism boring, since it’s pretty standard claptrap on the right wing these days, but outside of the hallowed halls of wingnut websites like WingNutDaily you don’t see tried and true anti-semite bigotry as often these days, so let’s take a look at a few of the comments.

Sloppo

It is important to remember that the Jews are a diverse group.  There are the true Jews who try to follow God’s commandments and there are the ones who say they are Jews, but are not and are the Synagogue of Satan (as referenced in Rev3:9).  As far as I have noticed, the Bible does not indicate whether or not the real Jews are more numerous than the fake ones.  I suppose we can make our own rough estimates by considering the percentages of Jews which vote for marxist despots, own more than 80% of the pornography and propaganda industries, and follow the Babylonian Talmud instead of the Torah.

There are the True Jews™, and then there are the ones who just converted for the jokes. Use the Karl Rove’s Ass Method of Statistical Analysis to figure out how many of each. It’s like the Chi-Squared method but much, much more unhygienic.

Jews are a wicked people, it is in their DNA, they divorced themselves from God long ago, Satan will destroy most of them until God intervenes at the very last moment, as he promised

If they divorced themselves from god, and they’re the children of God, then who does god pay child support to? And why’d he marry his children? Maybe the Mormons are right and heaven really is in Missouri.

Tawny

Alexander,
It is a lie that Christians persecuted Muslims.  Muslims invaded lands that were Christian and persecuted Christians sometimes with the help of Jews.  Please spare me the Christian persecution of Jews because it is so overblown and historically inaccurate as to portray Jews as the victims of Christians.  Jews did all they could to destroy Christianity and the Church did not or ever condone persecution of Jews.

Sloppo

Jews probably consider national expulsion to be “persecution” and Christians have expelled Jews from their countries many times.  As I understand it, Jews have been expelled from countries more than 100 times.  On the other hand, considering the fact that 70% of Jews in America just voted for a government of theft (marxism), I can understand why some people might not want that influence in their country.

Yeah, that whole Holocaust thing was really overblown, am I right? And Martin Luther, the founder of Protestantism, writing in On The Jews and Their Lies calling

  1. for Jewish synagogues and schools to be burned to the ground, and the remnants buried out of sight;
  2. for houses owned by Jews to be likewise razed, and the owners made to live in agricultural outbuildings;
  3. for their religious writings to be taken away;
  4. for rabbis to be forbidden to preach, and to be executed if they do;
  5. for safe conduct on the roads to be abolished for Jews;
  6. for usury to be prohibited, and for all silver and gold to be removed and “put aside for safekeeping”; and
  7. for the Jewish population to be put to work as agricultural slave labor

doesn’t mean the Jews were persecuted. It means Jesus loves them and everything Christians do, like murdering millions of Jews, is done in the name of love! And what kind of idiot would think that being forcibly ripped from your home and expelled from the country is persecution? It’s harmless. We call it Compulsory Vacation Time here in fascist dipshit land.

steadfast

Only after hours of prayer have I chosen to post on this subject again.
First off to everyone who’s maligned God because I agree with His Word, God bless you.
Secondly, and please take this to heart, I love you Jew or gentile, and God does too.
Thirdly, Sin killed Jesus.
Fourthly, Love raised Him again.

Fifthly, Yabba yabba wakka flocka flame a flip a doodly doo.

Or, that’s all I gather from it. Seriously, steadfast’s post goes on for several more paragraphs, but I challenge you to extract anything from it that even barely resembles a coherent thought.

Tawny

Alexander,
Well too bad you live in a country founded on Judeo-Christian Principals. If you were voting “the law of the land” which happens to be the constitution you would not be voting for Obama.  So you are a liar and not too smart.

Hate to break it to you birther types, but Obama’s presidency is constitutional. Judeo-Christian principals (whatever those are), when taken out of the private sphere and inserted into government, are not. And yet, I don’t declare you to be an America hating terrorist who will burn forever just for wanting something unconstitutional. I just think you’re ignorant and bigoted.

Jews have always hated Christians and have always done what they could to destroy it.  You will not prevail.
Myself, I have always respected the Jewish religion, I’m tolerant.

“Always” in this context should be understood as meaning “except in the previous two sentences obviously”.

Christians don’t support Israel for the Jews.  They support it for themselves.

True. What scares me is that I can’t tell if you think that’s a good or a bad thing.

No_BlahBlah

Anyone still wondering how the Jews in Germany could be surprised when they got off the boxcars that all that was in front of them were ovens?

No_BlahBlah just packed a lot of blah blah into one sentence.

christhered Collapse

Many a comment has been to put down the Jews for their voting practices, but here’s the thing, Abba God, The Lord God Almighty, the God of Israel knew who was going to win, indeed he planned it. So maybe HE told his people what to vote for, and they OBEYED him. I know that when ever I go to vote I first ask Abba God who HE has chosen and I vote for them.

Who ever the winner I want to be on Abba’s side.

Which is why I always write in “The Dancing Queen” on every ballot.

As a catholic it is true that only REAL CATHOLICS not Catholics in name only or someone who is baptized catholic but doesn’t “believe” its teachings would vote for Romney or abstain from voting because of Romney’s past stance on abortion and gay marriage.  Any so called catholic who voted for Obama is NOT A CATHOLIC THEY ARE A HERETIC and should be kicked out of the church and not allowed to receive the sacraments.

REAL CATHOLICS love jesus so MUCH They love JESUS so HARD it renders THEM incapable of using PUNCTUATION and makes them capitalize random WORDS

Evolution pushes atheism which is a religion.  It wasn’t until 1963 that christian prayer was banned in school.  I guess the Jews were tortured and forced to convert to christianity cause of those darn school prayers.

The eugenics stuff wasn’t very pleasant either. But I bet you dumbshits blame evolution for that, too.

Maybe all the Hollywood Jew film makers want to make a movie on the after effects of devastation to Israel without spending a dime on set props. I’ll be praying for my Jewish freinds and for Israel.

I’ll pray for you, you fucking kikes!

Alexander Fellman

Well, speaking as a Jew, I actually do hate to hear Christianity preached to me. I really, really do. I consider Christianity fundamentally incorrect, offensive, and disgusting. Especially Protestant Christianity. If the doctrine of grace through faith alone is true, I will be happy to march into your (nonexistent) hell, because the Protestant ‘God’ is not worth worshipping.
Rabbi Jeshua ben Josef was not the Messiah, is not the Messiah, and will never be the Messiah. The Lord is not Three-In-One, but One, indivisible. Save as we are all the Lord’s Children, the Lord has no children. These are simple facts in my religion, and if Christians are allowed to speak what I consider nonsense, then I should be allowed to reject it completely, at both the voting booth and in public.

Here we have yet another example of someone who easily sees how silly and irrational other people’s religions are, but is blind to the silliness of his own. Yes, Alexander, Christianity is nonsense. But no less nonsensical than Judaism.

TJFod1

No one preached Christianity to you liar.

What you seem to not understand is that without Christians, American Christians—-Jews wouldn’t have made it out of the ovens of Germany.

Kiss my Christian *** . and don’t look for my son to bail Israel out

(Edited by a moderator)

Uh, there are about a gajillion people preaching in this very thread.

And seriously, this conversation is being moderated? “Kill the Jews” is okay, but don’t say the word “ass”?

john doe Collapse

Why can’t conservatives just admit that their candidate sucked, even amongst committed Republican voters? Let’s face it, Mitt Romney garnered only lukewarm support during the GOP primaries and had to be foisted upon the party faithful at the convention.

How can you expect American voters to get excited about a man whose own party wasn’t entirely convinced he was the right man for the job?

Pad Dar

Mitt Romney does not suck.
Obama is a foreign usurper and you that voted for him care more for your private parts than country, period.

If I had to choose between America and my penis, of course I’d choose my penis! In fact, any sane, rational person would choose my penis.

The distribution of intelligence in most populations is similar, unfortunately it appears the Jewish population’s intelligence as been increasingly skewed to the down-side; stupid is what stupid does, eventually all reap the consequences of their actions.

You just knew one of those pseudoscientific “race and intelligence” lummoxes would show up at some point. Racists are nothing if not predictable.

So what have we learned? Nothing, of course. Ignorance, bigotry, arrogance, fearmongering and racism are exactly what you expect to find in any thread at WingNutDaily. But it sure is fun mocking these dumbshits. 🙂 I can’t wait for the next batch of “blame anyone but ourselves” gibbersih from the far right wing loonies. It’s sure to be a blast. 🙂

*Head Explodes*

With gay marriage passing in Maryland and Maine, and weed legalization passing in Colorado and Washington, this was a great election if you like drugs and dick. I’m not into either, but I support people’s right to do them if they want, so I was excited about this. The weed thing really surprised me–I never thought it would pass. Plus, the Democrats managed to keep control of the Senate and prevented Rapey McGee and Rapey McGoo in Missouri and Indiana from reaching it. So that’s awesome. Oh, and something or other about the White House happened. Yawn.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad Obama won. But I find it difficult to get excited about him. He’s a moderate democrat masquerading as a conservative democrat who knows how to add nice touches of rhetorical flourish to his speeches but not how to follow through on his promises.  But one thing I was looking forward to was watching the right wing’s many bloated heads explode when he won a second term. And Joseph Farah of WingNutDaily handed me a healthy dose of schadenfreude with this headline:

America pronounces judgment on itself

*Kablooey!* Little bits of Farah head smear the walls, and I laugh my ass off.

I feel like this title was intended to be read ominously through a booming megaphone with Carmina Burana playing in the background. Fire and brimstone rain down on gay weddings in legal marijuana stores. Black people have buttsex with terrorists for affordable healthcare in the streets while the Four Horsemen read Karl Marx and eat arugula. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria.

And the amusing hyperbole continues in the article itself.

For many of us, the unthinkable has happened.

I felt the same way when the Thunder traded James Harden away. You know what? I got over it. But the conservative “traditional values” crowd aren’t exactly known for getting over things. Hell, they’ve still got their panties in a wad over losing the Civil War.

And in what universe was this outcome “unthinkable”? Obama lead through most of the campaign, and most experts picked him to win. You may not like it, but you should have seen it coming. Oh, wait, that’s right. Those are “facts” I’m referring to. I apologize. I forgot about your fact allergies.

In sum, lots of things are unthinkable when you don’t think.

America has decisively turned the corner away from the constitutional principles of limited government and self-government with the re-election of Barack Obama.

And by “limited government and self-government” we mean ” don’t stick your dick in a butt.”

There may be no way home for us.

Boo hoo hoo! You lost. Someone has to lose every election. Deal with it. Seriously, what a fucking crybaby.

We have allowed our fellow Americans to pronounce judgment on the nation.

That’s what Obama represents to me – God’s judgment on a people who have turned away from Him and His ways and from everything for which our founders sacrificed their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor.

Farah is so flabbergasted by things not going his way that the only explanation he can come up with that seems to fit the momentousness of his not getting his way is that an omnipotent being must be punishing millions of people for the horrible crimes of not fag-punching and giving medicine to poor people.

This does shed some light on what he meant by “unthinkable” earlier on. So enamored is he with his own delusional worldview that the thought of it failing is simply unfathomable. His little lizard brain just can’t process the cognitive dissonance.

The nation is divided like never before – intentionally so.

I hate it when people say this bullshit. So are we more divided now than we were during the Civil Fucking War? And not even just that. Are we more divided now than we were during the Vietnam War and the struggle for black civil rights? Are we more divided now than back when thousands of black people were being lynched and black churches full of children were being bombed by white terrorists? Are we more divided than we were in 1920 when the debate over women’s suffrage was raging?

It’s become a common trope amongst those who follow politics but don’t think about politics that our nation lacks “civility”, and that politics used to be so “civil” back in some fantasy past, but now we’re “divided” and the “tone” of politics today is just too “strident” and “negative”.  Bullshit. American politics was never civil. Alexis de Tocqueville noticed this way back in the 1830s, and discusses the vociferousness of American political debate at length in Democracy in America.

We’re not divided like never before. We’re doing what we’ve always done, such as call the President a Marxist Terrorist Communist Atheist Muslim Usurper from Kenya who hates America and wants to kill your grandmother. Normal politics, actually.

That has been Obama’s game plan from the beginning – to build a constituency of special-interest groups that truly believe their salvation is found in bigger government, more programs, irresponsible spending and unconstitutional policies.

Religious right groups are interest groups too, you stupid fuck. This would be like if the coach of the Charlotte Bobcats said that the reason they suck is because of Teams. If it weren’t for all the dirty, filthy Teams ruining the NBA, the Bobcats would be on top and make basketball the way it used to be back in the past, the way Naismith intended it to be. Stupid teams.

This election could very well represent the beginning of the end of the American Dream, American exceptionalism, the American way.

The American dream and the American way never existed to begin with, and American exceptionalism can fuck itself with a live badger for all I care.

But it’s no time to give up – to throw up our hands in disgust and walk away from politics. Neither is it time to surrender to the radical social agenda Obama has championed to win his victory.

It’s time to change tactics.

Change tactics? You mean, like, stop demonizing minorities, stop lying about science, stop inventing fake history about the Founding Fathers, stop using other people’s rights as wedge issues, stop attacking women’s rights, stop spreading lunacy about your invisible friend, stop trying to start war after war just to sate your lust for the blood of brown skinned people?

It’s time to raise our collective voices of outrage.

Voicing outrage is all you people do. What would the religious right have to live for if not outrage? I was honestly beginning to believe that outrage was some kind of currency among you people.

But, at the end of the day, people generally get the kind of government they deserve.

No. Not true. Nobody deserved George W. Bush. Nobody. Not even Texas. I wouldn’t even wish him on Canada.

I’m not going to lie to you.

LOL.

The America haters are running the country for another four years.

Well, the ones who insist that they’re the real America lovers really fucked the country up between 2000 and 2008, so I’ll take my chances with the haters.

Most of all, it’s time for collective repentance.

Only a miracle can save us – and we need to humble ourselves before God and pray hard for one.

Maybe god could give us one of those miracles from the Bible that proves he’s so All-Powerful. Like fish-multiplication. If he turned a small number of fish into a large number of fish, that would prove that he’s got power over THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE and save America. At least, that plan makes more sense than how he chose to “save” us.

Can we find our way home? Is the political system even viable for us anymore? Has our heritage of representative government been permanently robbed from us?

For guys like Farah, a government isn’t representative unless it represents the right people. Obama won the election and takes office supported by the majority of Americans? Screw that! Democracy isn’t about the people voting for the candidate they want to represent them. It’s about someone who agrees with me fucking over people I don’t like.

And don’t think I don’t smell the “second amendment remedies” lurking in a god-humper who asks “Is the political system even viable for us anymore?” We all know what that means.

But we must not retreat. We must not hide. We must not be intimidated. We must not stop fighting for truth, justice and the American way.

Okay, that last bit convinces me that Farah wrote this while wearing his Superman undies and cape while crying over a sad little peanut butter sandwich that his mom cut the crusts off of for him. His mom wipes crumbs off of his hideous mustache and assures him, “There there, dear. Don’t you worry about those mean old rational people. You’re still mommy’s little boy! Now, go harass a fag or two and you’ll feel all better.”

Maybe we deserve this punishment for taking our lifestyles for granted. Maybe we deserve this judgment for our own individual and collective sins. Maybe there’s still time to turn things around because we serve a Creator of second and third chances.

Since when does eternal punishment involve second chances?

Whatever. The article ends with one more blob of the inert jelly that passes for brains in Farah’s head splattering against the wall:

One thing is for certain: Our national condition is going to get much worse before it gets better.

Not as long as I have you around for entertainment, Joey boy. As long as the Democrats keep winning and you keep melting down, I’m a happy man indeed.