*Head Explodes*

With gay marriage passing in Maryland and Maine, and weed legalization passing in Colorado and Washington, this was a great election if you like drugs and dick. I’m not into either, but I support people’s right to do them if they want, so I was excited about this. The weed thing really surprised me–I never thought it would pass. Plus, the Democrats managed to keep control of the Senate and prevented Rapey McGee and Rapey McGoo in Missouri and Indiana from reaching it. So that’s awesome. Oh, and something or other about the White House happened. Yawn.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad Obama won. But I find it difficult to get excited about him. He’s a moderate democrat masquerading as a conservative democrat who knows how to add nice touches of rhetorical flourish to his speeches but not how to follow through on his promises.  But one thing I was looking forward to was watching the right wing’s many bloated heads explode when he won a second term. And Joseph Farah of WingNutDaily handed me a healthy dose of schadenfreude with this headline:

America pronounces judgment on itself

*Kablooey!* Little bits of Farah head smear the walls, and I laugh my ass off.

I feel like this title was intended to be read ominously through a booming megaphone with Carmina Burana playing in the background. Fire and brimstone rain down on gay weddings in legal marijuana stores. Black people have buttsex with terrorists for affordable healthcare in the streets while the Four Horsemen read Karl Marx and eat arugula. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria.

And the amusing hyperbole continues in the article itself.

For many of us, the unthinkable has happened.

I felt the same way when the Thunder traded James Harden away. You know what? I got over it. But the conservative “traditional values” crowd aren’t exactly known for getting over things. Hell, they’ve still got their panties in a wad over losing the Civil War.

And in what universe was this outcome “unthinkable”? Obama lead through most of the campaign, and most experts picked him to win. You may not like it, but you should have seen it coming. Oh, wait, that’s right. Those are “facts” I’m referring to. I apologize. I forgot about your fact allergies.

In sum, lots of things are unthinkable when you don’t think.

America has decisively turned the corner away from the constitutional principles of limited government and self-government with the re-election of Barack Obama.

And by “limited government and self-government” we mean ” don’t stick your dick in a butt.”

There may be no way home for us.

Boo hoo hoo! You lost. Someone has to lose every election. Deal with it. Seriously, what a fucking crybaby.

We have allowed our fellow Americans to pronounce judgment on the nation.

That’s what Obama represents to me – God’s judgment on a people who have turned away from Him and His ways and from everything for which our founders sacrificed their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor.

Farah is so flabbergasted by things not going his way that the only explanation he can come up with that seems to fit the momentousness of his not getting his way is that an omnipotent being must be punishing millions of people for the horrible crimes of not fag-punching and giving medicine to poor people.

This does shed some light on what he meant by “unthinkable” earlier on. So enamored is he with his own delusional worldview that the thought of it failing is simply unfathomable. His little lizard brain just can’t process the cognitive dissonance.

The nation is divided like never before – intentionally so.

I hate it when people say this bullshit. So are we more divided now than we were during the Civil Fucking War? And not even just that. Are we more divided now than we were during the Vietnam War and the struggle for black civil rights? Are we more divided now than back when thousands of black people were being lynched and black churches full of children were being bombed by white terrorists? Are we more divided than we were in 1920 when the debate over women’s suffrage was raging?

It’s become a common trope amongst those who follow politics but don’t think about politics that our nation lacks “civility”, and that politics used to be so “civil” back in some fantasy past, but now we’re “divided” and the “tone” of politics today is just too “strident” and “negative”.  Bullshit. American politics was never civil. Alexis de Tocqueville noticed this way back in the 1830s, and discusses the vociferousness of American political debate at length in Democracy in America.

We’re not divided like never before. We’re doing what we’ve always done, such as call the President a Marxist Terrorist Communist Atheist Muslim Usurper from Kenya who hates America and wants to kill your grandmother. Normal politics, actually.

That has been Obama’s game plan from the beginning – to build a constituency of special-interest groups that truly believe their salvation is found in bigger government, more programs, irresponsible spending and unconstitutional policies.

Religious right groups are interest groups too, you stupid fuck. This would be like if the coach of the Charlotte Bobcats said that the reason they suck is because of Teams. If it weren’t for all the dirty, filthy Teams ruining the NBA, the Bobcats would be on top and make basketball the way it used to be back in the past, the way Naismith intended it to be. Stupid teams.

This election could very well represent the beginning of the end of the American Dream, American exceptionalism, the American way.

The American dream and the American way never existed to begin with, and American exceptionalism can fuck itself with a live badger for all I care.

But it’s no time to give up – to throw up our hands in disgust and walk away from politics. Neither is it time to surrender to the radical social agenda Obama has championed to win his victory.

It’s time to change tactics.

Change tactics? You mean, like, stop demonizing minorities, stop lying about science, stop inventing fake history about the Founding Fathers, stop using other people’s rights as wedge issues, stop attacking women’s rights, stop spreading lunacy about your invisible friend, stop trying to start war after war just to sate your lust for the blood of brown skinned people?

It’s time to raise our collective voices of outrage.

Voicing outrage is all you people do. What would the religious right have to live for if not outrage? I was honestly beginning to believe that outrage was some kind of currency among you people.

But, at the end of the day, people generally get the kind of government they deserve.

No. Not true. Nobody deserved George W. Bush. Nobody. Not even Texas. I wouldn’t even wish him on Canada.

I’m not going to lie to you.

LOL.

The America haters are running the country for another four years.

Well, the ones who insist that they’re the real America lovers really fucked the country up between 2000 and 2008, so I’ll take my chances with the haters.

Most of all, it’s time for collective repentance.

Only a miracle can save us – and we need to humble ourselves before God and pray hard for one.

Maybe god could give us one of those miracles from the Bible that proves he’s so All-Powerful. Like fish-multiplication. If he turned a small number of fish into a large number of fish, that would prove that he’s got power over THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE and save America. At least, that plan makes more sense than how he chose to “save” us.

Can we find our way home? Is the political system even viable for us anymore? Has our heritage of representative government been permanently robbed from us?

For guys like Farah, a government isn’t representative unless it represents the right people. Obama won the election and takes office supported by the majority of Americans? Screw that! Democracy isn’t about the people voting for the candidate they want to represent them. It’s about someone who agrees with me fucking over people I don’t like.

And don’t think I don’t smell the “second amendment remedies” lurking in a god-humper who asks “Is the political system even viable for us anymore?” We all know what that means.

But we must not retreat. We must not hide. We must not be intimidated. We must not stop fighting for truth, justice and the American way.

Okay, that last bit convinces me that Farah wrote this while wearing his Superman undies and cape while crying over a sad little peanut butter sandwich that his mom cut the crusts off of for him. His mom wipes crumbs off of his hideous mustache and assures him, “There there, dear. Don’t you worry about those mean old rational people. You’re still mommy’s little boy! Now, go harass a fag or two and you’ll feel all better.”

Maybe we deserve this punishment for taking our lifestyles for granted. Maybe we deserve this judgment for our own individual and collective sins. Maybe there’s still time to turn things around because we serve a Creator of second and third chances.

Since when does eternal punishment involve second chances?

Whatever. The article ends with one more blob of the inert jelly that passes for brains in Farah’s head splattering against the wall:

One thing is for certain: Our national condition is going to get much worse before it gets better.

Not as long as I have you around for entertainment, Joey boy. As long as the Democrats keep winning and you keep melting down, I’m a happy man indeed.

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Thinking it doesn’t make it so

When a publication has the balls to call itself “The American Thinker”, one is entirely warranted to approach its material with certain expectations. Its material should be well written, erudite, and thought provoking. Its claims should be properly cited. It should choose journalists based on their expertise in the field under discussion. An educated person should find the articles contained within challenging and enlightening. It’s The American Thinker, not CNN or Fox News after all. It should rise above.

Nope.

It’s garbage. And let me be clear. There’s a difference between attacking mostly respectable publications for publishing trash, and what I’m doing here. I have earlier disparaged the Chronicle of Higher Education, but The American Thinker (TAT) is on a completely different level. The CHE does sometimes publish good stuff. TAT is just pure bullshit. My attacks on CHE are just for certain shoddy articles by a particular person. TAT is a collection of deluded wingnuts that publishes only garbage. And William L. Gensert is a prime example of what’s wrong.

If anything, the closer we get to Election Day, the more apparent it is that Obama is not only losing, but losing big.  The Obama campaign, and by “campaign” I mean members of the media and polling organizations, is trying to convince prospective Romney voters to believe that all is lost — in which case, they hope, we will stay home.

But just because they say so, that doesn’t make it true.

But when you say so, it does make it true? How exactly are you in a better position to predict an Obama loss than the people who are polling American voters?

Everyone knew from the outset that Obama, with his sad record of continuous failure on almost every front, was going to air out his inner bitterness and envy, and campaign negatively.

Everyone knew that! Everyone knew that the pathetic, horrible Obama would rely on negative campaigning to prop up his awful, terrible, unamerican, evil, communist, freedom-hating administration. Only baby-raping ungodly monsters who fail at life would ever engage in negative campaigning. And if Romney wins, all these negative terms will disappear from my rhetoric, proving that it’s Obama who’s running the negative campaign.

But did anyone suspect that his sole hope for victory would rest on trying to suppress the vote of his opponent with naked media bias and polling — most of which assumes a higher Democrat turnout than in 2008, when the electorate, many Republicans included, swallowed whole Obama’s vision of “hope and change”?

The polls don’t actually assume that. And when it comes to voter suppression, the Republicans pretty much have that covered.

Well, three and a half years later, the digestion of that particular meal has given America and Americans an ulcer — a bleeding ulcer.  I can attest to that — every time I see the man or hear him speak, it makes me sick to my stomach.

America and Americans think you’re an idiot. I can attest to that because I feel sick in my tummy when I hear someone say you’re not an idiot.

Please explain to me why my reasoning differs from yours.

It is ludicrous to maintain that Obama, a curiously small giant of humanity, is ahead anywhere in this nation by 10%.

Ludicrous, I tell you! All the polling organizations have is the polls they conducted with thousands of Americans. That’s nothing–NOTHING!– compared to the icky-poo feelings I have in my tummy when I hear that black guy talk. Case closed! My poopy feelings are what really matter! Now give me a juice box and something shiny to play with!

The recent meme of the inevitability of Barack Obama is merely the delusional desperation of sycophantic minions.  What else do they have?  What else can they say?

They could just insist that their guy will win because thinking otherwise makes them feel gassy and whiny. Just a suggestion.

The polls allege Obama is ahead by 10% in Ohio (or should I use the Hawaiian spelling, “Oiho”) — a mining state — where part of the economy depends on King Coal and the money it brings in.  This is the man who, through his agents at the EPA, has singlehandedly destroyed the coal industry in America.

Obama won Ohio by almost 5% in 2008, despite the fact that his current platform is even less liberal than his 2008 platform. And one thing you’re ignoring–a lot of those coal mine workers are union members.

Regardless, you aren’t offering any contradictory data at all. You’re basically just pointing out the fact that the reality contradicts your ideological presumptions, then concluding that reality must be wrong. I see a bright future in the Republican party for you.

He is said to be ahead by 12% in Pennsylvania — also a mining state, and home of the Marcellus Shale natural gas field.  Yet even the uninformed know that under Barack Obama there will be no drilling for oil, mining coal, or building nuclear power plants.  And probably in a second term, the EPA will shut down fracking, which means no natural gas either.

Yeah…he’s way ahead.

Ha! Stupid pollsters asking real Americans in Pennsylvania what they actually think! They should ask my dumb ass what I think! Obama can’t be leading in PA if my shallow understanding of economics won’t let him!

In Florida, he is leading by 9%.  It is beyond belief that the state, with its large population of seniors and Jews, is going to vote overwhelmingly for the man whose signature legislation, ObamaCare, decimates Medicare and who has marginalized and insulted Israel repeatedly during his entire term.  Remember, he had time for Whoopi, but not for Netanyahu.

But it’s totally believable that elderly Jews in Florida would support Paul Ryan’s plan to gut Medicare over Obama’s plan which actually expands Medicare.

And let’s not forget that Florida is a state with no state income tax.  In fact, many people move there for that reason — how do you think they got Lebron?

They got Lebron through Lebron behaving like a total asshole.

I don’t think Florida wants to be known as the Asshole Magnet of America, but that’s where they’re going if we follow this reasoning.

Yet we are supposed to believe they will vote for the man who gave us 20 new taxes through Obamacare and plans to raise taxes all around?  And if you don’t think his proposed one-year extension for most of the Bush tax cuts, set to expire January 1, 2013, is not a plan to let all tax rates rise a year later, you haven’t been paying attention.

Yeah…he’s going to win big there.

Again, Obama doesn’t fit my childish preconceptions, so of course he can’t win. You seem to be determined to make this case without even the possibility of empirical evidence ever being part of the discussion. Where exactly do you get to the part where I shouldn’t pay attention to the polls? Where do you provide any actual argument for why the polls are flawed? At what point is the title “American Thinker” justified?

The truth is plain to see.  Obama is not going to pick up any new voters with his record of economic destruction and the misery he has foisted upon the electorate.  He will bleed support as his base withers away in the harsh glare of the Obama reality.

“Plain to see” in this case means “Existing entirely within my own feeble mind”.

Take his vote total from 2008 and subtract out some portion of the voters who bought the dream but lived the nightmare.

Then, subtract out some portion of the youth vote, who have discovered that hope means no jobs and student loans they can’t pay, while change means whatever coins they can find underneath the cushions of their mother’s sofa — in whose house they are relegated to live because of poor prospects and lack of opportunity.

Remove the women who don’t agree with abortion on demand and contraceptives for all — free and clear.

Remove the Catholics and other religious “folks” (a favorite Obama term) for the same reason, in addition to his assault on religious freedom, support of same-sex marriage, and antipathy for insulting the prophet of Islam, while accepting any slight on the Judeo-Christian American tradition.

Merely using words like “subtract” and “addition” does not make your unsupported speculation into math.

…Oh my goodness, did I just hurt the feelings of Muslims by not capitalizing “prophet”?  I anxiously await the knock on the door from the Obama secret police.

A visit from the “Obama secret police” is about as likely as a visit from your god.

Remove the sensible, who recognize Obama’s impotence in the face of Iran’s steady march toward acquiring a nuclear weapon.  After all, we have nothing to fear from Iran, a nation whose leaders continuously call for the destruction of Israel and America.

Yeah, it’s the “sensible” who believe that the guy who took out Osama bin Laden and Moammar Gaddafi is soft on terrorism.

In addition, many blacks, who have suffered most under this man’s policies, will not be there for him this time around.  They may not vote against him — racial solidarity, and all that — but many will certainly stay home.

Stupid is so much more annoying when it’s condescending.

With that in mind, can anyone say there is the same level of electoral enthusiasm for the president as there was in 2008?

Of course not. But your guy Romney is a big part of why. How do I know there’s little enthusiasm towards him? Well, one piece of evidence is the fact that in your 1200 word article about how he’s gonna win so easily, you only mention his name a grand total of 3 times. But the name Obama occurs 21 times. In fact, you’re not saying anything about Romney winning. Rather, all you care about is Obama losing. And you’re certainly not the only dingleberry on the right who’s approaching the election this way. And let’s not forget that earlier you accused Obama of running a negative campaign.

The once unstoppable Obama movement has constipated to a halt.  He was once a god, and now he is man — a nasty, unsuccessful man, who blames everyone and everything for his serial failures.

The psychological projection is strong with this one.

Obama is going to lose in a landslide.  And Barack Obama, the media, and the polling organizations will be appropriately shocked.

Shocked, I say!

I say! Appropriately so!

I think I’ve figured out why this publication calls itself The American Thinker. The writers at TAT seem to be under the impression that if they think it, it’s true. Mounds of meticulously collected data from polls don’t mean jack shit if William S. Gensert thinks differently. In his mind, he knows exactly what coal miners in Ohio and Pennsylvania and black people all over the country are thinking and feeling. So there’s no need to actually ask them about it! Women and blacks and blue collar workers won’t support Obama because Gensert won’t, and Romney will win because wishful thinking dictates that it be so. Welcome to Right Wing La La Land.

Might Romney actually win? I dunno, maybe. I hope not, but I also guess it’s not impossible. But you’d have to have your head in the sand to believe that Obama doesn’t have the advantage right now. The truth is that Gensert and his other delusional colleagues on the right are not Thanos wielding the Infinity Gauntlet. They can’t just warp reality to their liking merely by unthinking it. And thank non-existent god for that.