North Carolina gets shittier every day

As if the nasty vinegar-heavy barbecue sauce weren’t bad enough, North Carolina seems bound and determined to proclaim to the rest of the world just how much the state fucking sucks. Last year it became the most recent state to amend its constitution to ban gay marriage, and yesterday they decided even that wasn’t enough. Now, they’ve decided to add a new layer of racism onto the shit sandwich that is their state.

North Carolina’s governor says he agreed to repeal a law that allowed inmates to challenge their death sentences on racial grounds because it effectively banned capital punishment in the state.

“This law is bad, because it doesn’t allow us to kill enough black people.”

Any time someone tries to tell you that the South has changed since the days of slavery and lynchings need only read the quote above to see that that’s a bunch of bullshit.

North Carolina legislators barred death sentences “sought or obtained on the basis of race” in 2009, when both houses of the state General Assembly were under Democratic control.

The, legislation, known as the Racial Justice Act, allowed condemned convicts to use statistical analysis to argue that race played a role in their sentencing.

Sounds like a fair, just, and rational law. No wonder it only lasted 4 years.

Republicans who took control of the Legislature in 2010 weakened the law last year, overriding a veto by then-Gov. Bev Perdue, a Democrat.

Gov. Pat McCrory, a Republican elected in 2012, followed legislative action and signed its complete repeal Wednesday.

Fucking Republicans. Every time it looks like this country might take a tiny step forward, they grab it and drag it back into the Dark Ages.

“Nearly every person on death row, regardless of race, has appealed their death sentence under the Racial Justice Act,” McCrory said in a statement Wednesday. “The state’s district attorneys are nearly unanimous in their bipartisan conclusion that the Racial Justice Act created a judicial loophole to avoid the death penalty and not a path to justice.”

No, the state’s district attorneys want to kill more people so the ignorant voters will have their barbaric blood lust sated and keep them in office. The district attorneys, whose job it is to get people convicted, are not the people anyone should be consulting on this issue. This is like asking an oil company if we need to drive more. Of course they’ll say yes. But no one should care what they say.

The state still allowed capital punishment even while the Racial Justice Act was on the books. But state Democrats said the law resulted in at least four convicts being taken off death row after judges ruled that their sentences resulted from racial bias, with their sentences commuted to life in prison instead.

So the law only managed to help 4 people in 4 years before Republicans tore it up and flushed it down the toilet. You fucking suck, North Carolina Republicans.

About 53% of the 153 convicts awaiting execution in North Carolina are black, according to the state Department of Public Safety, while about 40% are white. African-Americans make up about 22% of the state’s population, according to Census figures.

Nope. No racism in North Carolina. None whatsoever.

The lynching days never ended. The only thing that changed is that nowadays it’s the state government that’s targeting blacks, rather than an ignorant mob of drooling redneck fuckbuckets. Or, more accurately, the voters took that ignorant lynch mob and made them the government.

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Good Ideas Don’t Need Death Threats to Protect Them

A group of Muslim extremists is demanding death for “insulting” their precious, delicate religious sensibilities. Must be Tuesday. Oh, wait, it’s Sunday. Guess it could be any day of the week, come to think of it.

Dhaka, Bangladesh (CNN) — Tens of thousands of radical Muslims marched toward the capital on Saturday to demand laws to target bloggers they said denigrated Islam and the Prophet Mohammed.

Muhammad must be a colossal wuss if he can’t handle a few bloggers making fun of him. Or could it be that Islam is all just complete bullshit unsupported by facts and reason (shock!), and the only way it can stand is by threatening and intimidating those who ask questions for which it has no answer?

Anyways, I’m 100% on the side of those bloggers.

The bloggers initiated a recent sit-in at Shahbagh Square demanding the death penalty for people involved in war crimes perpetrated more than four decades ago.

Okay, maybe not 100%.

Can we ever have a rally in a Muslim country that doesn’t involve calling for someone to be killed? That would be nice. Look, I’m all for punishing war crimes, but the death penalty is not the answer to all of our problems. Answering cruelty with more cruelty is not the right way to go.

But let’s also be careful not to equate what the bloggers are doing with what the Muslim extremists are doing. The bloggers are calling for the death penalty for war crimes. The extremists are calling for the death penalty for saying mean stuff. I’m not for the death penalty either way, but at least in the former case an actual crime was committed.

Muslim hard-liners under the banner of Hefazat-e-Islam on Saturday rallied against bloggers and authors.

Poverty. Starvation. Violence. Crime. Communicable diseases. Illiteracy. Superstition. Misogyny/rape culture. Ethnic hatred. Under-funded schools… What? Oh, sorry. I was just making a list of the problems faced by a struggling, third world country like Bangladesh. I’ll let you know when I get to “bloggers and authors.” Infant mortality. The lingering effects of the 2005 tsunami. Unsafe work conditions in factories. Political corruption…

The Hefazat rally branded the government as cohorts of the atheists and said they wanted it to meet 13 demands, including reinstatement of “absolute trust and faith in the Almighty Allah” in the constitution and capital punishment for those who would denigrate Islam and its prophet.

The demands included declaration of the Ahmadiyya Muslim sect as non-Muslim, a ban on free mixing of men and women, making Islamic education mandatory at all levels and no installation of any sculpture in any public place.

That’s all a bunch of oppressive bullshit, but I’m almost with you on that last one. Wish more people were on board with that in my country, at least as far as publicly-funded property goes.

Speaking of my home country, let’s check in on how far we’ve come in our own struggle for civil rights and equality.

ROCHELLE, GA – …

Stephanie and Keela are white and Mareshia and Quanesha are black. They’re seniors at Wilcox County High School, a school that has never held an integrated prom during its existence.

“There’s a white prom and there’s an integrated prom,” said Keela.

The rule is strictly enforced, any race other than Caucasian wouldn’t dare to attend the white prom.

Sigh. It’s days like this that I just want to give up.

Oh, and hey, South, are you listening? I say this as a person who was a resident of you for many years: I want you to find every sharp object available and just ram it right up your tightly wound, bigoted asshole. Just fuck yourself with every sharp object known to man, and just keep doing it ’til you bleed out and die and let the rest of us finally try to make some real progress on racial equality in this country.

Segregated proms. In 2013. Fucking shameful.

Please, go.

The right wing meltdown in the wake of Obama’s re-election continues, and Joseph Farah of WingNutDaily provides some of the most entertaining conservative pants-wetting there is to be found. Remember last time, when he lamented the “division” that Obama was spreading in this country? Well, now he’s decided it’s best to encourage division to the point of full on secession (or something like it):

BETWEEN THE LINES

Time to consider separation, divorce

Exclusive: Joseph Farah says principled Americans must insulate selves from judgment

Make up your mind, Joe! Is Obama evil because he sows division, or is division exactly what we need (and by “we” I mean god-humpers)?

As with last time, don’t you think for a second that I can’t grok the hint at violence in the notion of “divorcing” the rest of the nation. The last time part of our nation declared “divorce” 600,000 people died. But I guess that’s a small price to pay for all the “principled” (read: closeted homo) Americans to retain the “right” to teach other people’s children that science is a lie.

Divorce is an ugly word.

For devout Christians and Jews, it’s a particularly unthinkable term.

There you go using that word “unthinkable” again. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you just aren’t very good at thinking?

The Bible strictly discourages it, even forbids it, except in the most exceptional circumstances.

The Bible says you should be miserable, and that one bad decision made when you were 19 years old should haunt you forever. Because God is love, as exemplified by his insistence that you persist in a loveless marriage.

But for Americans faithful to the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence and the heritage of sacrifice and liberty that set apart this country from the rest of the world, it’s time to consider separation and divorce from those who have committed adultery.

So we should tell Newt Gingrich to fuck off. I’m down with that.

You wanna know how to spot a wingnut theocrat? Just look for people who think they have exclusive rights to the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.  If someone uses those documents as synonyms for “agrees with me”, then you know you’re dealing with the particularly black-and-white worldview of a god-humper.

If you think the Constitution and Declaration are 200+ year old legal documents that require careful interpretation based on the situation we currently live in, then congratulations, you’re a thinking human being. If you think Jesus wrote them down in your heart so that fags can’t find them, then you might be interested in some of the advertized “medical” remedies that WingNutDaily generously smears all over every single article it publishes. Not that they believe their target audience is stupid and gullible! What could possibly give you that idea?

The election of 2012 provides more stark evidence that we are not really one country, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. We are already two peoples – those of us still loyal and faithful to the God-inspired founding American principles and those who have gone awhoring after the idols of government coercion and doing what’s right in their own eyes.

And we all know that if you spend too much time awhoring you’ll end up with asyphilis.

Simply put, we shouldn’t do what’s right in our own eyes. Rather, we should do what’s right in Joe’s eyes. He (and other fake spokespeople of god) get to tell us what we do with our own bodies in the privacy of our own home. That’s how we get to be free by having no freedom at all. It makes sense in that “unthinkable” way that everything on the religious right makes sense.

In short, as I have written before, America is flirting with profound judgment. If those of us who disapprove of the same-sex marriage, abortion, tyranny, collectivism, the coerced subversion of religious freedom and forced taxpayer support for the spreading of ungodly, unbiblical values and laws want to avoid that coming judgment, it’s time to separate ourselves wholly from participation.

I say this in all seriousness: Separating yourselves wholly from participation would be a brilliant move. It would totally catch us godless heathens off guard. I’d gladly take the coming judgment from your magical boogedy-boo a thousand times if that’s what it takes to get you people to shut the fuck up.

I don’t pretend to know exactly how this works.

No shit?

America is a big country that is thoroughly permeated with this treasonous, immoral, adulterous lifestyle.

Yeah, Joe. Everybody sucks but you. You and your bizarrely melanistic mustache are paragons of virtue and restraint, while every human being whose brain isn’t a thick mush of confused, reality-denying beliefs is awhoring after some Obama balls.

But I am convinced we’ve got to begin forming new communities of the faithful and declare our separation and independence once again, just as our courageous founders did 236 years ago. Like them, we need to be prepared to defend ourselves, our families, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

This is the kind of thing someone says shortly before they begin stockpiling baked beans and gold bullion in a wooden shack somewhere in the wilds of Bumfuckistan, Montana. In their eyes, they have just committed a holy and noble act that will someday be recounted in reverent tones by future hagiographers. In the eyes of pretty much everyone else, they might as well be building a blanket fort in their parents’ bedroom. Except for the fact that that stockpile also likely includes a lot of guns with real ammunition. It’s like a Blanket Fort of Doom.

Barring a miracle, I don’t believe reconciliation with those who have gone awhoring is a possibility.

Have you tried talking with those who go awhoring? Or were they too busy awhoring? And why do we keep coming back to the word “awhoring”?

I’m sorry, I just don’t have much in common with Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi and George Soros and Bruce Springsteen (even though we are both from New Jersey) and George Clooney and these other looneys. [sic]

Let me get this straight. You’re ready to secede from the Union just because the right lost an election, but the people who intend to keep living their normal lives in disagreement with you are the loonies? (And yes, that’s how it’s spelled.)

Barack Obama was right about one thing: Whatever it once was, America is no longer a Christian nation.

It never was to begin with, no matter what you’re fact-free revisionist history might say.

And now it’s clear that more than half the population has turned its back on God and His Commandments.

That’s funny, because just a few days ago you published an op-ed claiming that the election results must have been faked and Obama couldn’t have won.

That gives a little window into how a mind like Farah’s works. One moment he’s declaring we’ve incurred god’s judgment. The next he’s saying the majority couldn’t have elected Obama. Then shortly thereafter he’s back to saying Obama won and godly folk need to just leave the country.

That annoying fact that Obama is still president keeps bouncing around inside his little monkey mind, and he’s desperately trying to fit it into his worldview at any given moment, without paying any attention to whether his current rationalization is in any way consistent with any of his past rationalizations. So long as it fits in this place at this moment, his short memory and inability to consider the future insure that he will be able to comfort himself.  What do you want to bet that in a few years, Farah hasn’t seceded, still hates Obama, still blames the majority of Americans for electing him while insisting that they couldn’t have, and doesn’t remember a damn thing about what he wrote in this current op-ed?

In another time, we would call what I am talking about “secession.” But secession can only work when there is enough common ground among people in geographic regions or states. That does not seem to be the case today. The division we see is a division largely between city dwellers and those who live in suburban and rural areas of the country.

Make no mistake. “City dwellers” is just another term for “black people” and “people who live next to black people and don’t mind it”.

We have little in common except that those who live in the cities believe they have a right to dictate to those of us who do not.

They dictate things like “Don’t dictate to gay people or women”. Stupid city dwellers, always dictating.

They believe they have the right to exploit us, take our property for their own use and tell us how to live.

I believe that that was Mitt Romney’s campaign slogan, if you replace “city dweller” with “wealthy white asshole”.

This is very much like the situation our founders faced – except our oppressors don’t live on another continent, they live amongst us.

It’s nothing like their situation. But don’t let that stop you from implying that your readers should kill liberals and gays and blacks.

I don’t have all the answers.

No shit?

I’m just a journalist and a businessman and a follower of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

You suck at the first two, but there’s really no wrong way to do the third, seeing as it’s all make believe. I guess you can console yourself with the knowledge that you’ve succeeded at something a five-year-old can do.

But it’s past time to begin talking about how this separation takes place. It’s past time to begin talking about how this divorce takes place. It’s past time to begin talking about how we deal with the increasing judgment that is taking place right now.

And so Joe closes his poopy-pants rant with more hollow gibberish, having unsurprisingly offered his audience nothing but substance-free innuendo and drooling bromides about Jesus. His 652 words amount to nothing more than, “Fuck people who don’t think like I do. I’m just not gonna talk to them any more. And if any of my readers have guns…wink wink nudge nudge say no more say no more…”

What I hope is that this puerile attitude on the part of many right wing nuts gets directed towards the Republican Party, a party that clearly is getting tired of its dumbfuck base and would rather not babble on about Jesus and gays and abortion any more. WingNutDaily already has stupid articles calling for the formation of a third party, and if that actually happens–with the conservative movement breaking off to form a Shitheads Only Party–that would force the Republicans to the left to claim independents, and the Democrats even further left. That could be a good thing for everyone. The SOP would have little hope in national elections, and maybe the Republicans and Democrats could start focusing on real issues for once.

 

EDIT 11/16/2012: Ed Brayton gets in on the Farah-Bashing fun. I had it first, damn it! Find your own poorly written psycho op-eds to bash! 😉

Lies from the Pit of Stupidity

“U. S. Lawmaker Says Something Really Stupid” isn’t even a headline. It’s not news. It’s the way things are and always have been. It’s the festering tripe of America’s legislative sausage factory. Being stupid is a badge of honor for a disturbingly large proportion of the electorate, and it’s practically a rite of passage for an American congressman to get before an audience and proclaim to the world, “Yes, I am as dumb as you. Vote for me!” So there’s absolutely nothing shocking about the following…

A U.S. congressman is attracting attention and criticism for an online video that shows him blasting evolution and the Big Bang theory as “lies from the pit of hell” in a recent speech at a church event in his home state of Georgia.

It’s a church event in the deep South. What else do you expect? I would be much more shocked if, at any church event in the South, someone stood up and said, “You know, guys, maybe we don’t already have everything figured out, and it might be a good idea to actually listen to outsiders rather than declare everything unfamiliar to be a plot by Satan to turn our kids gay,” without getting lynched.

“All that stuff I was taught about evolution, embryology, the Big Bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of hell,” U.S Rep. Paul Broun said in an address last month at a banquet organized by Liberty Baptist Church in Hartwell, Georgia. “And it’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who were taught that from understanding that they need a savior.”

Wait. Embryology is a lie? So are we going back to the Stork Theory of human reproduction? And if embryology is all a big lie, can you now stop getting in the way of embryonic stem cell research, please?

You gotta love how fundamentalists think that everything that everyone else does is actually all about what fundamentalists believe. Why do scientists study evolution and cosmology? Could it be because nature is fascinating, and discovering its secrets provides intellectual challenges and the potential to develop new technologies and advance society? Nope. It’s to teach people that Jesus doesn’t love them. Because that’s what really matters. Scientists just sit around all day conspiring to tell ten year olds that there’s no Easter Bunny, too.

Broun, a medical doctor by training, serves on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology.

Not even remotely surprising. Again, what would really astonish me would be if Congress actually put a real scientist on such a committee.

Speaking at Liberty Baptist Church’s Sportsman’s Banquet on September 27, he said that “a lot of scientific data that I’ve found out as a scientist that actually show that this is really a young Earth.”

Good. Present it at a scientific convention. Publish it in a peer reviewed journal. That shouldn’t be a problem unless you “found out” about it from your ass…

“I don’t believe that the Earth’s but about 9,000 years old,” Broun said in the speech, which Liberty Baptist Church posted on its website via YouTube.  “I believe it was created in six days as we know them. That’s what the Bible says.”

So there’s the source of his “scientific” data. The Bible. Not that far from his ass, if you ask me.

In his speech to the church group, Broun called the Bible the “the manufacturer’s handbook. … It teaches us how to run all of public policy and everything in our society.”

“That’s the reason, as your congressman, I hold the holy Bible as being the major directions to me of how I vote in Washington, D.C., and I’ll continue to do that,” he said.

Oh really? So what does the Bible say about energy policy? What’s Jesus got to say about strict constructionism? How does the Bible say we should handle income inequality? Wait, I do actually have an answer to that last one:

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had…. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed  to anyone as he had need. ACTS 4:32-35

So the Bible says we should be wealth-redistributing socialists. I’m sure you’ll get on that right away.

A spokeswoman for the congressman, Meredith Griffanti, said that Broun was not available for comment on Wednesday and that the video showed him “speaking off the record to a large church group about his personal beliefs regarding religious issues.”

Anyone with a beating heart and functioning brain should be quite unnerved by the prospect of living in a world where the age of the Earth is a religious issue. But we’ve seen this all before. Whenever a politician says something idiotic and clearly false, the spin is to play the “Heart” card. No, it’s not the lame fifth element from Captain Planet. It’s the tactic of cordoning off a little Fact Free Zone, called “the heart”, and claiming that the politician was standing in this zone when he/she said something demonstrably false.

Because if you really, really, really feel it deep down, it doesn’t matter if it’s gibbering lunacy or blatantly false. It’s in your heart! That makes it okay. Nothing could be bad or dangerous if it’s in your heart. Which is why you don’t need to worry about your cholesterol or that massive plaque build up in your arteries. Keep eating those chili dogs dipped in bacon fat, Rep. Broun. I’m sure you’ll be in Congress for a long time, and I wouldn’t want you to get hungry.

The congressman’s remarks about science have drawn attention online, with critics taking aim at his role on the science committee.

Bill Nye, the popular science personality, told the Huffington Post in an e-mail that “Since the economic future of the United States depends on our tradition of technological innovation, Representative Broun’s views are not in the national interest.”

“For example, the Earth is simply not 9,000 years old,” said Nye, a mechanical engineer and television personality best known for his program “Bill Nye the Science Guy.” Broun “is, by any measure, unqualified to make decisions about science, space, and technology.”

People are afraid to say this, but it’s true. Broun’s views don’t just disqualify him from making decisions about science. In any sane world, they should disqualify him from making decisions about anything that matters in this country. He is, quite simply, not fit to lead.

But Bill Nye’s not gonna say that, even though I wouldn’t be surprised if he believed it just as much as I do. If he did say it, Broun would cry persecution and run to the supposedly liberal commie media to proclaim what a sad wittle duckwing he is that people would be so mean to him, and the rubes out there would gobble it up. And Nye would have to “apologize” for taking an apparently controversial stand on the issue of whether stupid, crazy people should lead our country. And then we could get back to debating more pressing issues, like how Jesus feels about buttsex. And then we can devote a disturbingly large amount of time and resources to discovering what the Easter Bunny’s favorite casserole is, or what Thor’s second favorite NFL team is. ‘Cause that’s what our country needs right now. I’m sure poverty and crumbling infrastructure will sort itself out.