Please, go.

The right wing meltdown in the wake of Obama’s re-election continues, and Joseph Farah of WingNutDaily provides some of the most entertaining conservative pants-wetting there is to be found. Remember last time, when he lamented the “division” that Obama was spreading in this country? Well, now he’s decided it’s best to encourage division to the point of full on secession (or something like it):

BETWEEN THE LINES

Time to consider separation, divorce

Exclusive: Joseph Farah says principled Americans must insulate selves from judgment

Make up your mind, Joe! Is Obama evil because he sows division, or is division exactly what we need (and by “we” I mean god-humpers)?

As with last time, don’t you think for a second that I can’t grok the hint at violence in the notion of “divorcing” the rest of the nation. The last time part of our nation declared “divorce” 600,000 people died. But I guess that’s a small price to pay for all the “principled” (read: closeted homo) Americans to retain the “right” to teach other people’s children that science is a lie.

Divorce is an ugly word.

For devout Christians and Jews, it’s a particularly unthinkable term.

There you go using that word “unthinkable” again. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you just aren’t very good at thinking?

The Bible strictly discourages it, even forbids it, except in the most exceptional circumstances.

The Bible says you should be miserable, and that one bad decision made when you were 19 years old should haunt you forever. Because God is love, as exemplified by his insistence that you persist in a loveless marriage.

But for Americans faithful to the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence and the heritage of sacrifice and liberty that set apart this country from the rest of the world, it’s time to consider separation and divorce from those who have committed adultery.

So we should tell Newt Gingrich to fuck off. I’m down with that.

You wanna know how to spot a wingnut theocrat? Just look for people who think they have exclusive rights to the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.  If someone uses those documents as synonyms for “agrees with me”, then you know you’re dealing with the particularly black-and-white worldview of a god-humper.

If you think the Constitution and Declaration are 200+ year old legal documents that require careful interpretation based on the situation we currently live in, then congratulations, you’re a thinking human being. If you think Jesus wrote them down in your heart so that fags can’t find them, then you might be interested in some of the advertized “medical” remedies that WingNutDaily generously smears all over every single article it publishes. Not that they believe their target audience is stupid and gullible! What could possibly give you that idea?

The election of 2012 provides more stark evidence that we are not really one country, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. We are already two peoples – those of us still loyal and faithful to the God-inspired founding American principles and those who have gone awhoring after the idols of government coercion and doing what’s right in their own eyes.

And we all know that if you spend too much time awhoring you’ll end up with asyphilis.

Simply put, we shouldn’t do what’s right in our own eyes. Rather, we should do what’s right in Joe’s eyes. He (and other fake spokespeople of god) get to tell us what we do with our own bodies in the privacy of our own home. That’s how we get to be free by having no freedom at all. It makes sense in that “unthinkable” way that everything on the religious right makes sense.

In short, as I have written before, America is flirting with profound judgment. If those of us who disapprove of the same-sex marriage, abortion, tyranny, collectivism, the coerced subversion of religious freedom and forced taxpayer support for the spreading of ungodly, unbiblical values and laws want to avoid that coming judgment, it’s time to separate ourselves wholly from participation.

I say this in all seriousness: Separating yourselves wholly from participation would be a brilliant move. It would totally catch us godless heathens off guard. I’d gladly take the coming judgment from your magical boogedy-boo a thousand times if that’s what it takes to get you people to shut the fuck up.

I don’t pretend to know exactly how this works.

No shit?

America is a big country that is thoroughly permeated with this treasonous, immoral, adulterous lifestyle.

Yeah, Joe. Everybody sucks but you. You and your bizarrely melanistic mustache are paragons of virtue and restraint, while every human being whose brain isn’t a thick mush of confused, reality-denying beliefs is awhoring after some Obama balls.

But I am convinced we’ve got to begin forming new communities of the faithful and declare our separation and independence once again, just as our courageous founders did 236 years ago. Like them, we need to be prepared to defend ourselves, our families, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

This is the kind of thing someone says shortly before they begin stockpiling baked beans and gold bullion in a wooden shack somewhere in the wilds of Bumfuckistan, Montana. In their eyes, they have just committed a holy and noble act that will someday be recounted in reverent tones by future hagiographers. In the eyes of pretty much everyone else, they might as well be building a blanket fort in their parents’ bedroom. Except for the fact that that stockpile also likely includes a lot of guns with real ammunition. It’s like a Blanket Fort of Doom.

Barring a miracle, I don’t believe reconciliation with those who have gone awhoring is a possibility.

Have you tried talking with those who go awhoring? Or were they too busy awhoring? And why do we keep coming back to the word “awhoring”?

I’m sorry, I just don’t have much in common with Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi and George Soros and Bruce Springsteen (even though we are both from New Jersey) and George Clooney and these other looneys. [sic]

Let me get this straight. You’re ready to secede from the Union just because the right lost an election, but the people who intend to keep living their normal lives in disagreement with you are the loonies? (And yes, that’s how it’s spelled.)

Barack Obama was right about one thing: Whatever it once was, America is no longer a Christian nation.

It never was to begin with, no matter what you’re fact-free revisionist history might say.

And now it’s clear that more than half the population has turned its back on God and His Commandments.

That’s funny, because just a few days ago you published an op-ed claiming that the election results must have been faked and Obama couldn’t have won.

That gives a little window into how a mind like Farah’s works. One moment he’s declaring we’ve incurred god’s judgment. The next he’s saying the majority couldn’t have elected Obama. Then shortly thereafter he’s back to saying Obama won and godly folk need to just leave the country.

That annoying fact that Obama is still president keeps bouncing around inside his little monkey mind, and he’s desperately trying to fit it into his worldview at any given moment, without paying any attention to whether his current rationalization is in any way consistent with any of his past rationalizations. So long as it fits in this place at this moment, his short memory and inability to consider the future insure that he will be able to comfort himself.  What do you want to bet that in a few years, Farah hasn’t seceded, still hates Obama, still blames the majority of Americans for electing him while insisting that they couldn’t have, and doesn’t remember a damn thing about what he wrote in this current op-ed?

In another time, we would call what I am talking about “secession.” But secession can only work when there is enough common ground among people in geographic regions or states. That does not seem to be the case today. The division we see is a division largely between city dwellers and those who live in suburban and rural areas of the country.

Make no mistake. “City dwellers” is just another term for “black people” and “people who live next to black people and don’t mind it”.

We have little in common except that those who live in the cities believe they have a right to dictate to those of us who do not.

They dictate things like “Don’t dictate to gay people or women”. Stupid city dwellers, always dictating.

They believe they have the right to exploit us, take our property for their own use and tell us how to live.

I believe that that was Mitt Romney’s campaign slogan, if you replace “city dweller” with “wealthy white asshole”.

This is very much like the situation our founders faced – except our oppressors don’t live on another continent, they live amongst us.

It’s nothing like their situation. But don’t let that stop you from implying that your readers should kill liberals and gays and blacks.

I don’t have all the answers.

No shit?

I’m just a journalist and a businessman and a follower of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

You suck at the first two, but there’s really no wrong way to do the third, seeing as it’s all make believe. I guess you can console yourself with the knowledge that you’ve succeeded at something a five-year-old can do.

But it’s past time to begin talking about how this separation takes place. It’s past time to begin talking about how this divorce takes place. It’s past time to begin talking about how we deal with the increasing judgment that is taking place right now.

And so Joe closes his poopy-pants rant with more hollow gibberish, having unsurprisingly offered his audience nothing but substance-free innuendo and drooling bromides about Jesus. His 652 words amount to nothing more than, “Fuck people who don’t think like I do. I’m just not gonna talk to them any more. And if any of my readers have guns…wink wink nudge nudge say no more say no more…”

What I hope is that this puerile attitude on the part of many right wing nuts gets directed towards the Republican Party, a party that clearly is getting tired of its dumbfuck base and would rather not babble on about Jesus and gays and abortion any more. WingNutDaily already has stupid articles calling for the formation of a third party, and if that actually happens–with the conservative movement breaking off to form a Shitheads Only Party–that would force the Republicans to the left to claim independents, and the Democrats even further left. That could be a good thing for everyone. The SOP would have little hope in national elections, and maybe the Republicans and Democrats could start focusing on real issues for once.

 

EDIT 11/16/2012: Ed Brayton gets in on the Farah-Bashing fun. I had it first, damn it! Find your own poorly written psycho op-eds to bash! 😉

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The Protocols of the Elders of Lyin’

The right wing blame game continues, as conservative bigots everywhere struggle mightily to simultaneously believe two incompatible propositions:

1.) They lost the election.

2.) They were never mistaken about anything. Ever.

Who to blame for the loss today? JEWS! Yes, that’s right, Jews. Every bigot’s favorite scapegoat since…oh, let’s say about 2,000 BC.

When you see a headline at WingNutDaily that reads “70% of Jewish Population Voted for Obama”, you know this article is gonna go one of two ways: Either A.) It’ll be a fiery zionist, pro-Israel, anti-Palestinian diatribe, or B.) an anti-semitic tirade against the Christ-killin’, Manishevitz-swillin’ banking conspirators. And guess what? It’s both! Well, the article is Zionist, the commenters on the article are anti-semitic (mostly).

I find Zionism boring, since it’s pretty standard claptrap on the right wing these days, but outside of the hallowed halls of wingnut websites like WingNutDaily you don’t see tried and true anti-semite bigotry as often these days, so let’s take a look at a few of the comments.

Sloppo

It is important to remember that the Jews are a diverse group.  There are the true Jews who try to follow God’s commandments and there are the ones who say they are Jews, but are not and are the Synagogue of Satan (as referenced in Rev3:9).  As far as I have noticed, the Bible does not indicate whether or not the real Jews are more numerous than the fake ones.  I suppose we can make our own rough estimates by considering the percentages of Jews which vote for marxist despots, own more than 80% of the pornography and propaganda industries, and follow the Babylonian Talmud instead of the Torah.

There are the True Jews™, and then there are the ones who just converted for the jokes. Use the Karl Rove’s Ass Method of Statistical Analysis to figure out how many of each. It’s like the Chi-Squared method but much, much more unhygienic.

Jews are a wicked people, it is in their DNA, they divorced themselves from God long ago, Satan will destroy most of them until God intervenes at the very last moment, as he promised

If they divorced themselves from god, and they’re the children of God, then who does god pay child support to? And why’d he marry his children? Maybe the Mormons are right and heaven really is in Missouri.

Tawny

Alexander,
It is a lie that Christians persecuted Muslims.  Muslims invaded lands that were Christian and persecuted Christians sometimes with the help of Jews.  Please spare me the Christian persecution of Jews because it is so overblown and historically inaccurate as to portray Jews as the victims of Christians.  Jews did all they could to destroy Christianity and the Church did not or ever condone persecution of Jews.

Sloppo

Jews probably consider national expulsion to be “persecution” and Christians have expelled Jews from their countries many times.  As I understand it, Jews have been expelled from countries more than 100 times.  On the other hand, considering the fact that 70% of Jews in America just voted for a government of theft (marxism), I can understand why some people might not want that influence in their country.

Yeah, that whole Holocaust thing was really overblown, am I right? And Martin Luther, the founder of Protestantism, writing in On The Jews and Their Lies calling

  1. for Jewish synagogues and schools to be burned to the ground, and the remnants buried out of sight;
  2. for houses owned by Jews to be likewise razed, and the owners made to live in agricultural outbuildings;
  3. for their religious writings to be taken away;
  4. for rabbis to be forbidden to preach, and to be executed if they do;
  5. for safe conduct on the roads to be abolished for Jews;
  6. for usury to be prohibited, and for all silver and gold to be removed and “put aside for safekeeping”; and
  7. for the Jewish population to be put to work as agricultural slave labor

doesn’t mean the Jews were persecuted. It means Jesus loves them and everything Christians do, like murdering millions of Jews, is done in the name of love! And what kind of idiot would think that being forcibly ripped from your home and expelled from the country is persecution? It’s harmless. We call it Compulsory Vacation Time here in fascist dipshit land.

steadfast

Only after hours of prayer have I chosen to post on this subject again.
First off to everyone who’s maligned God because I agree with His Word, God bless you.
Secondly, and please take this to heart, I love you Jew or gentile, and God does too.
Thirdly, Sin killed Jesus.
Fourthly, Love raised Him again.

Fifthly, Yabba yabba wakka flocka flame a flip a doodly doo.

Or, that’s all I gather from it. Seriously, steadfast’s post goes on for several more paragraphs, but I challenge you to extract anything from it that even barely resembles a coherent thought.

Tawny

Alexander,
Well too bad you live in a country founded on Judeo-Christian Principals. If you were voting “the law of the land” which happens to be the constitution you would not be voting for Obama.  So you are a liar and not too smart.

Hate to break it to you birther types, but Obama’s presidency is constitutional. Judeo-Christian principals (whatever those are), when taken out of the private sphere and inserted into government, are not. And yet, I don’t declare you to be an America hating terrorist who will burn forever just for wanting something unconstitutional. I just think you’re ignorant and bigoted.

Jews have always hated Christians and have always done what they could to destroy it.  You will not prevail.
Myself, I have always respected the Jewish religion, I’m tolerant.

“Always” in this context should be understood as meaning “except in the previous two sentences obviously”.

Christians don’t support Israel for the Jews.  They support it for themselves.

True. What scares me is that I can’t tell if you think that’s a good or a bad thing.

No_BlahBlah

Anyone still wondering how the Jews in Germany could be surprised when they got off the boxcars that all that was in front of them were ovens?

No_BlahBlah just packed a lot of blah blah into one sentence.

christhered Collapse

Many a comment has been to put down the Jews for their voting practices, but here’s the thing, Abba God, The Lord God Almighty, the God of Israel knew who was going to win, indeed he planned it. So maybe HE told his people what to vote for, and they OBEYED him. I know that when ever I go to vote I first ask Abba God who HE has chosen and I vote for them.

Who ever the winner I want to be on Abba’s side.

Which is why I always write in “The Dancing Queen” on every ballot.

As a catholic it is true that only REAL CATHOLICS not Catholics in name only or someone who is baptized catholic but doesn’t “believe” its teachings would vote for Romney or abstain from voting because of Romney’s past stance on abortion and gay marriage.  Any so called catholic who voted for Obama is NOT A CATHOLIC THEY ARE A HERETIC and should be kicked out of the church and not allowed to receive the sacraments.

REAL CATHOLICS love jesus so MUCH They love JESUS so HARD it renders THEM incapable of using PUNCTUATION and makes them capitalize random WORDS

Evolution pushes atheism which is a religion.  It wasn’t until 1963 that christian prayer was banned in school.  I guess the Jews were tortured and forced to convert to christianity cause of those darn school prayers.

The eugenics stuff wasn’t very pleasant either. But I bet you dumbshits blame evolution for that, too.

Maybe all the Hollywood Jew film makers want to make a movie on the after effects of devastation to Israel without spending a dime on set props. I’ll be praying for my Jewish freinds and for Israel.

I’ll pray for you, you fucking kikes!

Alexander Fellman

Well, speaking as a Jew, I actually do hate to hear Christianity preached to me. I really, really do. I consider Christianity fundamentally incorrect, offensive, and disgusting. Especially Protestant Christianity. If the doctrine of grace through faith alone is true, I will be happy to march into your (nonexistent) hell, because the Protestant ‘God’ is not worth worshipping.
Rabbi Jeshua ben Josef was not the Messiah, is not the Messiah, and will never be the Messiah. The Lord is not Three-In-One, but One, indivisible. Save as we are all the Lord’s Children, the Lord has no children. These are simple facts in my religion, and if Christians are allowed to speak what I consider nonsense, then I should be allowed to reject it completely, at both the voting booth and in public.

Here we have yet another example of someone who easily sees how silly and irrational other people’s religions are, but is blind to the silliness of his own. Yes, Alexander, Christianity is nonsense. But no less nonsensical than Judaism.

TJFod1

No one preached Christianity to you liar.

What you seem to not understand is that without Christians, American Christians—-Jews wouldn’t have made it out of the ovens of Germany.

Kiss my Christian *** . and don’t look for my son to bail Israel out

(Edited by a moderator)

Uh, there are about a gajillion people preaching in this very thread.

And seriously, this conversation is being moderated? “Kill the Jews” is okay, but don’t say the word “ass”?

john doe Collapse

Why can’t conservatives just admit that their candidate sucked, even amongst committed Republican voters? Let’s face it, Mitt Romney garnered only lukewarm support during the GOP primaries and had to be foisted upon the party faithful at the convention.

How can you expect American voters to get excited about a man whose own party wasn’t entirely convinced he was the right man for the job?

Pad Dar

Mitt Romney does not suck.
Obama is a foreign usurper and you that voted for him care more for your private parts than country, period.

If I had to choose between America and my penis, of course I’d choose my penis! In fact, any sane, rational person would choose my penis.

The distribution of intelligence in most populations is similar, unfortunately it appears the Jewish population’s intelligence as been increasingly skewed to the down-side; stupid is what stupid does, eventually all reap the consequences of their actions.

You just knew one of those pseudoscientific “race and intelligence” lummoxes would show up at some point. Racists are nothing if not predictable.

So what have we learned? Nothing, of course. Ignorance, bigotry, arrogance, fearmongering and racism are exactly what you expect to find in any thread at WingNutDaily. But it sure is fun mocking these dumbshits. 🙂 I can’t wait for the next batch of “blame anyone but ourselves” gibbersih from the far right wing loonies. It’s sure to be a blast. 🙂